Well I'm Home

Hello all. I am home after a nice vacation in the GI ward of the local hospitals. I am doing fine. Lite headed if I walk around too much. This is the first I've been on the computer in a week. I won't last too much longer before I have to lay down again. Just wanted to give a breif update. I have to go back for outpatient surgery in a few weeks, and hopefully all will be repaired by then.

Kids started school. I missed Thomas' first day cause I was in the hospital. But his second day is tomorrow and I'll be home to great him...Maybe with some hot fresh chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmmm. The girls are loving 6th and 7th grade. I am so glad. They both love their teachers, and Liz called me this afternoon right after school, because she was so excited because she understood Algebra for the first time. I am so happy for her.

Going now to check MOJO thread before I collapse.

Today is another day

Well, it has been requested that I continue with this blog.  I have been doing LJ, but it has been requested that I do this one too.  So to fill in the gaps.  We had a monkey meet here, which was great.  James, the noodleking, is fine and healthy.  We also now ALWAYS lock ALL the car doors as we get out of the car.  I guess thats a good habit to be in, but a pain in the ass when your in a hurry with your arms full.  Oh well, his safety is first and foremost on my mind. 

Tom has been having alot of spells lately, I am thinking it has alot to do with stress.  He doesn't have the same conclussion, he just wonders why.  It is so hard to be supportive all the time.  Sometimes I just want to yell and scream and cry and tell him to get over it and get the hell to work.  If I thought that might work, I might.  But I am sure that would only make matters worse.  I know he tries, it's just so frustrating sometimes.  Ok gotta go to new topic and not dwell.

Ok, so De's home and seems ok with it.  I'm not sure why I insisted, but I felt the need for my daughter to be home.  It's been over a year, and the household stress has gotten better, but our relationship with our daughter and her relationship with her siblings has deteriorated.  It was time to come home.  mom and Dad weren't helping her anymore. 

Hopefully everything will be better soon.

I almost killed my son. I don't mean that jokingly, I mean literally. James, my 2 year old. The kids were all playing hide-n-seek, the adults were all out back talking. All of a sudden, I panicked, I hadn't seen James in way too long. Well we all started looking, all over the house, in the basement, under the beds, in closets...Nowhere. The guys were checking the cars, Toms was locked, Mine was empty, and no-one looked in Moms cause Tom and I had been in it earlier and Tom thought I had locked it. Well... After we had searched the house, and asked the neighbors, etc I decided to go looking around the neighborhood for him. The doors to moms car were locked so I asked Tom to bring me the keys. I had looked in the windows and saw nothing. He brought me the keys and I opened the car to get in, and there was James, passed out, in the driver side floorboard, naked. He was all sweaty and red, his skin was so hot. I grabbed him and ran in the house and started running a cool bath for him. I told Sherrie to bring him a glass of water. He wouldn't sit in the tub, just stand there. Sherrie brought him an ice cream cone. After he got out of the tub I just sat and cuddled on the couch. It took a long time to get his temp, heart rate, and pulse back to normal, but he seems ok now, cheerful, sweet baby. I can't believe I almost killed my baby. I love him so much. If I had remembered where the keys were and just locked the car, he would never have gotten in there. The guilt is over-whelming. But at least he's alive and as far as we can tell fine. He could have died.

Sigh

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like shit, my head is killing me, my stomach won't keep anything in it, I am tired all the time, and light headed. Sounds like pregnancy, but I assure you IT'S NOT! I just layed on the couch all night.

Tom was out until almost 3 this morning with Sherrie. For some stupid reason, I was jealous. I don't know why. Even after I knew they were home, I layed in bed, listening. Of course I didn't here much, sounds of cooking, or at least getting stuff out in the kitchen, nothing major. I was just hoing he'd come in and kiss me, hug me, just because he was home. :sigh: I finally fell off about 4:30, couldn't watch the clock anymore, and got tired of waiting. Just cuddled with the teddy bear.

I started thinking last night that I've been flirting with a monkey because it's attention, attention that I'm just not getting at home. :( I like flirting with him, he's fun, he likes what I like, and he really turns me on. But thats what Tom is supposed to do. Oh well, I'll take what I can get, from whereever I can get it.

argh!

I am stressing! I have been sick for too many days now. I am tired, I have a headache, and I am tired of girls with raging hormones!

I have been trying to actually work on the computer today. Not play games or post, but actually use the computer for the purpose it was designed. I have been putting off chool stuff for too long and just wanted to apply for some scholarships online. The interuptions to settle petty fights are getting to me.

De was home today and, of course, the noise level was excrutiating, the stress level was sky high as was the "Moooommm!" meter was running hard and fast.I want to change my name and join the Merchant Marines on days like these. My mom just came to pick up De, so at least the noise will settle down some. And the boys have been mostly good today, it has just been Liz and De. If Liz doesn't change her attitude I am going to rip her melon head right off her shoulders!

I just need yet another cigarette.

Another Day

Today was the last day of school. De's graduation was ok, it was hot and stuffy in the gym, and we were late so of course we couldn't see a damn thing. It took way too long, but went off without a hitch. Thankfully we could pick up their grade cards and sign them out.

After fifth grade graduation I took Thomas to the library for story hour. He had a great time, I'm glad I went, this will have to be a weekly thing. I had wanted to take James too, but he wasn't ready and we needed to leave.

Sherrie came with me to the middle school to see what she could do about Marilyns' computer. Not a lot, but she made Marilyn happy by showing her some things. I was outside with the kids signing yearbooks. I had a good time, I am loved. :D

Unfortunately Tom is still feeling bad, if not worse than he was. He has been on antibiotics since Tuesday, and he keeps getting worse. He had a fever last night, been hot and not able to eat, sick to his stomach. I am really worried about him.

Jackie and Liz are getting ready the dance tonight. I am so excited, three boys asked Elizabeth "to save a dance for me" I wish she would go to these things with a boy. Of course when she gets older I'm definitely NOT going to want that, but at this age, it's nice. :)

OK. I would write more, but my ass is getting all sweaty and sticking to this chair, guess I'll come back later.

Why does she do this?

I wish I understood my daughter better. She is Ten, almost eleven. She doesn't want to live in my house, she refuses to treat anyone in this house with any respect, she is constantly telling everyone in this house she hates them and she hates it here, she is not content having anything less than 100% attention, she fights with me at every turn, she claims I yell at her all the time. During her most recent tantrum she told me she would rather live on the street than here, she didn't want me to come to her fifth grade graduation tomorrow, and if I did come she wouldn't go. I just don't know how I am going to deal with puberty. :sigh: She already lives with my mom (for those of you who don't know). It was supposed to help her, and it doesn't seem to have at all. She is in therapy, it doesn't seem to help. I want my daughter home, but I also want her to stop causing problems for my family. She causes so much stress and grief, fighting and pain. Everyone seems to yell and fight when she's here, and when she leaves the boys hit and scream and say things that they heard her say, things none of them should be saying.