Well I'm Home

Hello all. I am home after a nice vacation in the GI ward of the local hospitals. I am doing fine. Lite headed if I walk around too much. This is the first I've been on the computer in a week. I won't last too much longer before I have to lay down again. Just wanted to give a breif update. I have to go back for outpatient surgery in a few weeks, and hopefully all will be repaired by then.

Kids started school. I missed Thomas' first day cause I was in the hospital. But his second day is tomorrow and I'll be home to great him...Maybe with some hot fresh chocolate chip cookies. Mmmmmmm. The girls are loving 6th and 7th grade. I am so glad. They both love their teachers, and Liz called me this afternoon right after school, because she was so excited because she understood Algebra for the first time. I am so happy for her.

Going now to check MOJO thread before I collapse.

Today is another day

Well, it has been requested that I continue with this blog.  I have been doing LJ, but it has been requested that I do this one too.  So to fill in the gaps.  We had a monkey meet here, which was great.  James, the noodleking, is fine and healthy.  We also now ALWAYS lock ALL the car doors as we get out of the car.  I guess thats a good habit to be in, but a pain in the ass when your in a hurry with your arms full.  Oh well, his safety is first and foremost on my mind. 

Tom has been having alot of spells lately, I am thinking it has alot to do with stress.  He doesn't have the same conclussion, he just wonders why.  It is so hard to be supportive all the time.  Sometimes I just want to yell and scream and cry and tell him to get over it and get the hell to work.  If I thought that might work, I might.  But I am sure that would only make matters worse.  I know he tries, it's just so frustrating sometimes.  Ok gotta go to new topic and not dwell.

Ok, so De's home and seems ok with it.  I'm not sure why I insisted, but I felt the need for my daughter to be home.  It's been over a year, and the household stress has gotten better, but our relationship with our daughter and her relationship with her siblings has deteriorated.  It was time to come home.  mom and Dad weren't helping her anymore. 

Hopefully everything will be better soon.

I almost killed my son. I don't mean that jokingly, I mean literally. James, my 2 year old. The kids were all playing hide-n-seek, the adults were all out back talking. All of a sudden, I panicked, I hadn't seen James in way too long. Well we all started looking, all over the house, in the basement, under the beds, in closets...Nowhere. The guys were checking the cars, Toms was locked, Mine was empty, and no-one looked in Moms cause Tom and I had been in it earlier and Tom thought I had locked it. Well... After we had searched the house, and asked the neighbors, etc I decided to go looking around the neighborhood for him. The doors to moms car were locked so I asked Tom to bring me the keys. I had looked in the windows and saw nothing. He brought me the keys and I opened the car to get in, and there was James, passed out, in the driver side floorboard, naked. He was all sweaty and red, his skin was so hot. I grabbed him and ran in the house and started running a cool bath for him. I told Sherrie to bring him a glass of water. He wouldn't sit in the tub, just stand there. Sherrie brought him an ice cream cone. After he got out of the tub I just sat and cuddled on the couch. It took a long time to get his temp, heart rate, and pulse back to normal, but he seems ok now, cheerful, sweet baby. I can't believe I almost killed my baby. I love him so much. If I had remembered where the keys were and just locked the car, he would never have gotten in there. The guilt is over-whelming. But at least he's alive and as far as we can tell fine. He could have died.

Sigh

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like shit, my head is killing me, my stomach won't keep anything in it, I am tired all the time, and light headed. Sounds like pregnancy, but I assure you IT'S NOT! I just layed on the couch all night.

Tom was out until almost 3 this morning with Sherrie. For some stupid reason, I was jealous. I don't know why. Even after I knew they were home, I layed in bed, listening. Of course I didn't here much, sounds of cooking, or at least getting stuff out in the kitchen, nothing major. I was just hoing he'd come in and kiss me, hug me, just because he was home. :sigh: I finally fell off about 4:30, couldn't watch the clock anymore, and got tired of waiting. Just cuddled with the teddy bear.

I started thinking last night that I've been flirting with a monkey because it's attention, attention that I'm just not getting at home. :( I like flirting with him, he's fun, he likes what I like, and he really turns me on. But thats what Tom is supposed to do. Oh well, I'll take what I can get, from whereever I can get it.

argh!

I am stressing! I have been sick for too many days now. I am tired, I have a headache, and I am tired of girls with raging hormones!

I have been trying to actually work on the computer today. Not play games or post, but actually use the computer for the purpose it was designed. I have been putting off chool stuff for too long and just wanted to apply for some scholarships online. The interuptions to settle petty fights are getting to me.

De was home today and, of course, the noise level was excrutiating, the stress level was sky high as was the "Moooommm!" meter was running hard and fast.I want to change my name and join the Merchant Marines on days like these. My mom just came to pick up De, so at least the noise will settle down some. And the boys have been mostly good today, it has just been Liz and De. If Liz doesn't change her attitude I am going to rip her melon head right off her shoulders!

I just need yet another cigarette.

Another Day

Today was the last day of school. De's graduation was ok, it was hot and stuffy in the gym, and we were late so of course we couldn't see a damn thing. It took way too long, but went off without a hitch. Thankfully we could pick up their grade cards and sign them out.

After fifth grade graduation I took Thomas to the library for story hour. He had a great time, I'm glad I went, this will have to be a weekly thing. I had wanted to take James too, but he wasn't ready and we needed to leave.

Sherrie came with me to the middle school to see what she could do about Marilyns' computer. Not a lot, but she made Marilyn happy by showing her some things. I was outside with the kids signing yearbooks. I had a good time, I am loved. :D

Unfortunately Tom is still feeling bad, if not worse than he was. He has been on antibiotics since Tuesday, and he keeps getting worse. He had a fever last night, been hot and not able to eat, sick to his stomach. I am really worried about him.

Jackie and Liz are getting ready the dance tonight. I am so excited, three boys asked Elizabeth "to save a dance for me" I wish she would go to these things with a boy. Of course when she gets older I'm definitely NOT going to want that, but at this age, it's nice. :)

OK. I would write more, but my ass is getting all sweaty and sticking to this chair, guess I'll come back later.

Why does she do this?

I wish I understood my daughter better. She is Ten, almost eleven. She doesn't want to live in my house, she refuses to treat anyone in this house with any respect, she is constantly telling everyone in this house she hates them and she hates it here, she is not content having anything less than 100% attention, she fights with me at every turn, she claims I yell at her all the time. During her most recent tantrum she told me she would rather live on the street than here, she didn't want me to come to her fifth grade graduation tomorrow, and if I did come she wouldn't go. I just don't know how I am going to deal with puberty. :sigh: She already lives with my mom (for those of you who don't know). It was supposed to help her, and it doesn't seem to have at all. She is in therapy, it doesn't seem to help. I want my daughter home, but I also want her to stop causing problems for my family. She causes so much stress and grief, fighting and pain. Everyone seems to yell and fight when she's here, and when she leaves the boys hit and scream and say things that they heard her say, things none of them should be saying.

What an evening :)

Sigh, it's been a so-so day, but tonight after dinner was sooo nice. It reminded me of the days before Tom got sick. We were all hot and cranky after dinner, so we decided to do what we did last night, that is take the boys out front in the yard in their swimsuits and hose them off. This time Sher and I got into our suits too and Tony just stayed in his shorts and we all ran around the yard like nuts letting Tom spray us with the hose. Then we decided Tom needed to be wet too, sweats and all, and wrestled the hose away from him. He ran in the house and, amazingly, came back out in shorts and a t-shirt to join in the fun. At that point Thomas had the hose and was dousing all the adults and loving it! The fun we had was so much like the early days, Tom laughing, running around. It really cheered me up. I miss those days, the fun days. It just seems like so much anymore there is so much stress and worry we never have any fun.

On another happy note, I have all my grades in. A in Physical, Health and Sensory Disabilities, and English, and Old Testament, and Sociology; B in Foundations of Education; C in Art Appreciation. I was robbed on the Art grade. I hate that man. But I still have a 3.5 GPA, so my scholarship is still safe.

I love Tom, he makes me sooo HAPPY!

Yeah, A's! Happy Dance Time!!!

Ahhhh, The semester is finally over. Just one more final, and that's a paper I have to turn in tomorrow. I already have 3 of my grades! Two of them are A's and I am soooo happy. I've been doing the happy A dance all afternoon. Of course the C in Art Appreciation is soooo not deserved, but I'm not going to dwell, (or I really will have Tony go beat the guy up!) One of the classes I thought for sure I'd get a B in, the other was dependent on how well I did on the final. So I am really glad it's over. I just have 3 more grades to wait for. What a relief, it's over! Ok, well except for my stupid paper on Horace Mann. I really don't want to do it, I have procrastinated about it as long as possible, so I guess I have to do it.

My subbing job was changed from tomorrow until Thursday. I'm hoping I don't get called tomorrow, just so I can sleep late, and take Tom to the doctor. I want to know the results of the test and to see what Dr Merwin wants to do. I worry about what he wants to do, because I don't want Tom any more depressed than he already is, although he's been less depressed for a few days.

Money matters are REALLY bad right now. Somehow we blew through the tax return without realizing it and we are overdrawn at the bank and have bills to pay, and Prudential isn't sending anymore disability checks until they get some more info from the doctors. I think I will start looking for a part-time job or even a full time job in the next week. If I get a job before Tony I'm not going to be happy, just because we really need him to work for us to survive and he's not, and he doesn't seem to be all that concerned about it. I worry too much. First things first, Horace Mann, then job. One thing at a time I keep telling myself.

Tony and Tom and I are going to work on defrosting the freezer and moving it to the laundry room and putting in the cabinets in there. I want so much to get done at the house and yet I have to push and push. I hate pushing. Sigh. So much work to be done, so little money and motivation to do it.

No!NO!NO!NO! I will not let myself get down! Remember I am happy :D Ok smiling, that's better. Had to get up and do the happy dance again. Now I must go make tea and sides for dinner. I love a man who cooks! All I have to do is make sides :) And he is such a gooood cook! I love him.

It's been awhile. I've wanted to blog but haven't been able too for one reason or another; somebody was on the compy, homework to do, chores to do, housework, kids, ya know, the usual. School is almost over, thank GOD! Only a few more days. Finals start on Thursday, they'll be over a week from tomorrow. The only problem with school is having to do 25 hours of practicum before next Tuesday. Yes I know it's my own fault for procrastinating until the last week of school. Speaking of which, today was the first day and I loved it; small class, [i]great[/i] teacher and teaching assistant. The drive sucks, but I really like the school, I didn't think I would, but I do.

I am feeling fat lately. I have gained back all of the 15 pounds I lost, so i have been feeling fat and blotted lately and I'm afraid I won't be able to fit into my jeans, so I haven't worn them in about 2 weeks. I don't want to have that bad a feeling. I feel depressed and out of sorts.

I also have my one month anniversary on the Blogger this month, so many anniversary's of the internet this month. Blogger, Box, 2000 posts, etc etc.

Tom and I haven't made love in way too long. We've had sex (still been over a week), but not long slow passionate love. I want that. He's been staying up way too late, and drinking alot, and the mood hasn't been right. I don't know, I also feel like he's had these moods l;ately, I was starting to think he wasn't attracted anymore because of the weight thing, but last night we were getting cuddly and passionate, and he said he still loved me and was attracted...but then he left cause he "wasn't ready to go to bed yet." I waited until 2am for him to come to bed, but by then I was too exhausted and I had to get up at 6, sooooooo. Sigh.

Ok, I'm waaaay too depressed now, think I'll go shower and head to bed. :(

I am in a good mood. Today is my Boxday, and I made 2000 posts today. I got a pedicure yesterday, and new sandels, a new purse, and pretty polish to do my nails with. We're going out for Chinese tonight. It is gooood. I am in a really good mood, even if I do have to go clean the boys' room. With that said, I shall go clean.

Your Guy Has Metrosexual Tendencies! While your guy isn't straight out of GQ, he's a bit of a pretty boy. And he enjoys an indie movie from time to time... so what? You've got the best of both worlds, girlfriend - a manly guy who understands women. Just make sure that he spends more on your dates than the salon. Is He a Metrosexual? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I always knew it was true, now I have proof.

Ahhhhhhh I haven't been on in days. I'm tired all the time, up too late, and up too early. I have too many papers due in the next week, a big one tomorrow. Right now I'm just procrastinating about doing it. I hate waiting until the last minute, but I have absolutely no motivation to do it right now.

Stupid allergies have every adult in the house feeling like shit. Unfortunately the south has lots o' trees, therefore lots o' pollen. It will be over soon enough. Hopefully before my head explodes from all the sneezing.

I need to get the garden planted...Soon! Or we won't have any veggies this summer. I want lots of fresh veggies from the garden. I am on a fresh, raw, veggies kick lately. At least we have finally decided on a spot, I just need to borrow a tiller now, and of course buy the plants.

Why am I watching "Clifford Puppy Days"? I am the only person in the room. I could turn it off, but Clifford is so cute.

It was such a beautiful day out today (73 degrees), but I had to spend it inside. But subbing is decent pay, and any money we can get helps, plus that school makes the BEST lunches! Plus everyone there is so nice. I hope to teach there for good someday.

But I will never got to teach, if I don't do my homework. See ya later, going to hit the books. (hard, against my head)

I soooo Happy! Lookie at my new bloggie skin!!!!! I love it! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou Luvie for helping me out with that! I hope you all like it. < I wish I could actually design something like this, I feel so untalented, it was done by a 13yo girl. If you want to see her stuff (blog) take a look at Electric Tang in my links, she's pretty cool. >

I wish I had remembered that it was daylight savings time before 3am.(4am) yet another night of not enough sleep. At least I'm up early enough to start on the LOOOOONG to-do list that I have for today. Speaking of which, I think I'll go do some more work on that.... Until later.

And one more thing-Sher:thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so no more depressing shit today! I am looking forward to moving all of Sheerie's crap in here so they feel more at home. The tax refund came, so we are sustaining ourselves pretty well, as well as getting bills paid, now I just have to wait for the new checks to arrive.

My sisters baby shower was today...BO-Ring! That kind of shit is a pain. But Ade came into town for it, so it's great to see her again. She lives 1,000 miles away but I see and talk to her more than the sister who lives 30 minutes away. Prolly cause I like her more now.

I hate allergy season! Sneeze and blow is all I seem to do anymore! I do hope the weather decides to stay warm though. I really want to plant a garden this year. Sherrie and I have to pick a good spot for it. Does anyone have any ideas for good things to plant in a first garden? We are definitely doing tomatoes and peppers, hopefully lettuce if it isn't too late, maybe some squash (acorn) Any ideas out there?

Gotta go move stuff now. Bye.

Hi dee Ho all! It's been, yes, it's been. Really good Monday, pretty good Tuesday, and so-so Wednesday. I guess it's lookin like my week has been going downhill. Yup it sure has. I'm in a pissy mood right now, Nothing has gotten done today by anyone but me...and I haven't done all that much.

Tom is dizzy and just can't seem to get a grip on it. I wish I knew why he was so dizzy, or there was something I could do to help him. I am mad because Tony was supposed to go to work with my Dad today and he slept all day, yes he just arose. He went to bed around midnight last night, got up with the boys between 7:30 and about 9:30 this morning, but was crashed back out in bed when I got up at 10, and it's 5p.m. now and he's just getting up again. That's just irritating to me. Tom didn't get up until almost 2 but he went to bed at 5:30a.m.

I guess I just hate the fact that there are 4 adults in this house, no one is working except me, and that's only part time while I go to school, and still nothing gets done, and the boys still go unsupervised. Dad is giving Tony some work, but on his third day (today) he doesn't show up, and I know how my father is about that. Plus I am the only one doing some things, between homework, and school. I shouldn't complain though, Sherrie has been putting the kids to bed everynight, and Liz and Sherrie have been bathing them on a regular basis. It's just that sometimes the money situationand the lack of a clean house really get to me.I guess I can't expect my house to stay clean for long.

The smell of the litter box is really bothering me. I wish they let their cats go outside to shit. The entire basement smells like shit all the tme, and now it has been moved to the bottom of the stairs, so the scent waifs up. At least now we have the baby gate up over our room so Waffles can't get in there and shit in our closet anymore. Now we'll just have to keep the door closed so the rest of the smell doesn't waft in there. The trials of indoor cats. I'm just glad the other 3/4 are outdoor cats. Well 3, but Lucy will be once she gets fixed.

Ah the stresses of RL. I need to stop dwelling and cmplaining and go finish cleaning up the living room that Sherrie started, and wash some more dishes before I start dinner....oh yeah and then there is the laundry to do...Shit! I don't want to do all that, but I know if I don't it won't get done. Besides I took a nap yesterday afternoon and got nothing done last night but homework, so I better get a move on. Time's awastin'!

Hey again! Ok, I think that my morose attitude of late has been very much PMS. Now that "Aunt Flo" is gone I am feeling much better, more myself. Although I did get mad at Tom last night for not watching the rest of a movie with me, and coming over to play on the computer. Plus he was going to go to bed and didn't ask me to come with him. That sucked. So I started to go to bed mad at him, but as I'm laying there, just watching time go by, I realized I was being stupid. I rolled over and started stroking his hair, even though he was already pretty much asleep, it made me feel better.

I can't wait to get a new format on my blogger. I can't seem to decide on one, so I'm not beng much help to Sherrie. I think I have school again tomorrow. I don't want to, I've had such a good break. I have a presentation due on Thursday, and I was supposed to have read a book already and I can't bring myself to read it; it's not that it's not interesting, it's just that I don't want to have to do the preentation on it in a few weeks, so I am procrastinating...hoping it will go away.

If Elizabeth doesn't get over herself, I may have to kill her, or at least lock her up until she's 40 or so. She is driving me nuts!She has those raging pre-teen hormones, she is screaming at everyone, and crying at the drop of a hat, and the world is out to get her. She is such a drama queen anyway, the hormones don't help.

I should go, there is much laundrty to be done, we have the mount Everest of dirty clothes in the laundry room, and being that I am the only adult in the house awake, I better do it. Although my bed is calling me back to it, to cuddle with my mostly naked hubby. :sigh: Must be responsible, must not go to Tom. Must take care of small children. :sigh:

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I can see this :)

Dear Blogger :) Ok, that sounds weird. Don't know why I feel like writing, maybe because I am in a room full of people and yet I feel alone. I don't know what's wrong with me. I subbed for Mom today, it wasn't bad. Maybe cause I'm worried about mom having cancer again, maybe cause I don't know how to deal with my feelings about her, maybe cause I feel like I need to be held and cuddled, maybe because Tom is getting worse and I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless. There is so much to do, and I don't know where to start. I wish I could put my felings into words, but I am having a hard time articulating lately. I want to be included in the group thing going on, but I'm, not sure how to go about it, probably because they're watching something I am just not interested in. I am worried about the next few weeks, but I don't even know if I should be. I want so much to be feeling myself again. It's just a case of the blahs, and I don't want it to get out of hand.

I think I will go look for some new blog layouts so I can finally get something up here.

Aw Hell. This day has so sucked! I'm over tired, I have too much to do and I have no money!

I am still tired from my all-nighter the other day, I haven't been able to make up for lost sleep, because I had to take De to see the pshychologist this morning, and that is way more important than sleep. She tells Kelly that everything has been going great and, well I just don't agree.

I had to do Girl Scouts this afternoon, last minute, because I was sleeping and mom called because they had all showed up. However we did get alot done. Mom had to run to Knoxville and pick up the cookies. So now I have a bunch of Girl Scout cookies. I have homework for Sociology, Old Testament, English, SpEd, and an on-line quiz and paper to write for Foundations. All before Monday. Plus I have to re-write my resume and turn it in, otherwise I will fail my interview and not be admitted to the teacher education program. However should I even bother?

We have $26 in the bank. Bills are due, I am going to have to get a full time job to cover the bills. As long as Tom is not working, we are hurting. Tom has to get over this dizzy shit and get back to work so we can survive. Tony has to get out there and find a job instead of waiting for a job to find him. I just don't know what to do. No-one seems to want me to quit school, but that is the only solution I can see. I don't think I can work and go to school. I barely get my assignments done as it is. I need some feasible solutions.

Ok, Ok. Today has been one hell of a long day! I am incredibly horny, and don't know why. For some reason I got turned on by my English prof. This morning, and all I wanted to do was jump her. In Foundations I caught Byron staring at me, and we started talking sex...sorta. He told me he was a virgin and it just made me want to grab him and fuck his brains out right there in front of the entire class. Then Deante' comes in late and he smiles and waves and winks and flirts across the room and gets me all hot and horny all over again! I am going to go nuts before I get home! Now I am finally getting to blog and hopefully get my frustrations out before I get home, because I am just way to tired for sex again tonight.

I so wanted to smack Rebecca and Joe tonight in class! They are so immature and stupid! That drove me NUTS! I so needed a smoke, but I held my temper and didn't knock her sideways...into Joes head. I spent most of the class arguing with her. Joy says we clash because our personalities are a lot alike, maybe, but she is so closed minded.

Art Appreciation was sooooo incredibly BO-RING! Movie time, so I almost fell asleep. Test next class...good thing that's not until the 26th. My damn tea got so weak, watery, and warm. :( There were some sleepers, talkers, note writers, and note takers during the movie. I am of the later two. The note writing I did is pretty much this blog, I didn't end up taking a lot of notes though.

SHIT! I am having a hard time staying awake! I hate the desks here, they cut into my stomach and don't give you a whole hell of a lot of writing room. Damn, every time I moved my head I got dizzy. And damn Chuck Closes' paintings didn't help matters. I spent most of the movie fighting sleep. God Damn It! What is with the damn artsy types saying "if you will"???????

Today has just sucked ass; except English and Sociology. I have quite a bit of homework to get done this weekend. Plus I have a damn Girl Scout meeting to plan for tomorrow. And GS cookies are here. I had a test and a quiz. I feel so behind because of the snow and missed classes. I need to catch up.

Right now I am just avoiding going home because I want the kids to be asleep when I get there, I need to relax and go to sleep, not have to fool with bedtime and kisses, and bathroom crap. I just want SLEEP!

Your Sign Is: Loose Livestock

Whoa, wild child! What hasn't gone on in that bedroom you like to call a dungeon?

Your bedroom is a total sexual fun house, with kinky surprises in every corner.

You're a mirrors on the ceiling, whips in the closet kind of lover. And that's cool...

Just make sure that your neighbors don't know about any sheep stored in the garage.



What's Your Street Sign?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Wooohooooo Love this! And yes, I think it's me >:)

Well, another day another dollar gone. We are so incrediblly broke and there is nothing we can do about it. At least nothing as I can see it. Tom hasn't been going to work because he has been incrediblly dizzy, Tony won't go to work until the car is fixed, we can't fix the car until we have more money, we are in a big catch 22. I decided on my way home from school yesterday that I am not going to go summer term, I will just get a job, and if I can make more than $8 an hour, I won't go back to school, we just are too desperate right now for me to be sitting at home doing homework, instead of earning a paycheck. Happy Ash Wednesday to me. The thought of not continuing makes me want to cry, but I know we need the money an I have so long until I've finished, then I will have added to the stress, because then we'll have student loans to pay off. I just can't take the stress of it all.

Ok, it's been awhile. Laid out of Art last Thursday. I am feeling a little stressed. Checked our bank balance and found we have almost no money. Tom's meniers is acting up again, and we really need him to be at work so we can get some money in the bank. I don't want him to feel pressured though but he's the sole supporter of everyone in our house. This is not good. I will see if I can't find a part time evening job for those nights I don't have school. We have to get Tony off his ass and looking for a job. Sorry, that wasn't kind, but I am stressed and we need money and he hasn't looked for a job. I guess it's a good thing that he decided not to buy a car, just get Tom's fixed and the two of them use that. I just hope he can get a job at Wal-Mart or something close like that. Course he can't get a job until he applies for a job. Ok, I have to get off of this topic, I'm getting frustrated.

School was good tonight, I came to the library to get some work done, but I felt like blogging first.

This weekend was pretty good, yesterday was mine and Tom's 6/9 year anniversary. We celebrated with Tony and Sherrie on Friday and Saturday, and went to Ellie's for dinner on sunday (with everyone). Mom kept the girls and Ellie kept the boys and we played Mario Party 5 and Drank. Tony and Tom got blitzed Friday night. Tom remembers nothing. We didn't go to bed until VERY late. I had to be up with the kids until 11, Tone and Sher went about 8:30 and 9 respectively and Tom passed out at about 6:45, we finally got him downstairs about an hour later. Tony passed out on the bed for a little while with Tom, dropped mid-sentence. It was a blast! Tom is so funny when he's drunk. However we (Sherrie and I) have decided to limit how much the guys are allowed to drink from now on. Saturday night wasn't so good, and way to much liquor was purchased and drunk. We figured if we let them have 5 shots each, that should be good for a pretty damn good buzz. Friday I have no idea how much they had, but I lost count after 7.

Helen called for our anniversary and it was really nice to talk to her. Tom IM'd with her later and she said she might come down!!!!! She's looking at March 19th or so. I hope she can pull it off. It'll be great to see her again! the Boobie Head Sisters REUNITE! I really hope everything works out so that she can come.

I have been praying alot more lately, I don't know why, maybe I should get my ass to church, maybe it would help with all this stress.

Ok, I hate Art Appreciation. I feel so stupid now. We had a test last week. I made a 77 :( We wrote apaper on a work of art we liked, I made a C. I hate this class. I don't want to make a C in fucking ART! Plus the man DRIVES ME BATTY! Besides just pretty much reading to us out of the book, he says, "if you will" constantly while he does it! When he is speaking from his head, it's not so bad. And when he asks a question, he wants the answer straight word for word out of the text. All my classes today have made me feel like shit. According to the definitions of social classes, I am "poor", not even good enough to be "working class". Then in Foundations, there is a girl I just want to rip her fucking head off! If she argues with me with her close minded point of view again, I may just rip her tongue out!

Tom is dizzy, has been for 2 days, I am really worried about him. He's getting depressed again. I don't want him to know that I am worried about him, cause that stresses him and upsets him more when I'm worried, but I can't help it. I just want my baby to be ok. I need him to know that I love and respect him no matter what. Hell I just want to hold and love him until he feels better.

Sitting here in the library, talking to Deante and writing this has really cheered me up. He's nice. And a guy named CJ that I see in here all the time, I finally talked to him and found out his name, he's friends with Deante. I like talking to new people. Men especially, they are more honest, and easy to talk to. I always did hang out more with guys, even in High school.

Sigh, I should be working on one of the many papers I have due on Tuesday and Thursday. Hell I think I have an essay or a paper due in all my classes except one-Foundations. That so sucks, my weekend is now shot to hell. And I have to get my grades up. Sigh, oh well. I am off to write about Gandhi I guess.

Ok, little update before school. Plumber finally came and fixed leak in water line, my carpet is still soaked! I hope Tom sucks some of the water out of it today while I'm at school. Tom and Tony have been working really hard to get the basement seepage problem under control. We'll find out soon enough if it worked. Bring on the rain!

I haven't seen a whole lot of Tom in the past couple of days. I subbed and school, and all that kind of crap, it's been hectic. (Too many professors want things due at the same time.) I feel guilty asking Sher to do my report on India, it's just that I have so much other work due right now, and my damn Foundations professor thinks we have nothing better to do than her crap that she can't be bothered to finish in class.

The boys have been hoarding food lately. It doesn't help that we have been irresponsible about getting up with them and feeding them, but they have been eating jars of peanut butter with knives, hiding snack food in there room, pulling out sleeves of crackers. What a mess to wake up to! I love my goobers though.

More later, off to class. :)

I feel so down this afternoon. Tom and I got into a fight this morning before I left for school, Thomas decided to make popcorn while everyone was asleep and burned it yet he kept trying, on EVERY bag of microwave popcorn in the house, and on top of that I didn't have a very good day at school,...late for English, had a test I wasn't prepared for, spilled my coffee on the floor before I got a sip of it, everyone is out of my cigarettes, Tony and Sherrie are both sick, everything seems to happen at once.

When I came home Tom was playing Diablo and when I tried to come over and love up to him and talk to him, it just seemed like he was more interested in his game than in me. I was stroking his face and standing next to him, and he did say "I love you" but he didn't even look at me when he said it, just kept playing his game. I hate that stupid game. So now I am kinda down and not able to concentrate, I have work to do but just want to lay around sulk.

I really don't know if it's a lack of food and caffeine and nicotine today, or if it's what happened with Tom this morning, or what it is, I just wish it would go away.

Mom wants me and Sherrie to come to a Stampin' Up party with her this evening, but I am too depressed right now, and Sherrie is probably too sick, but Mom is guilting me. I hate that! Mom is giving me grief ever since she found out about Tony and Sherrie actually coming down. She is afraid we will get taken advantage of, and won't be able to afford all these people in the house. And now I've had to borrow money from her because of the plumbing problem, so it's even worse!

We have a water leak and it's in the lawn, between meter and the house, called the plumber Friday and he was supposed to come back yesterday, but couldn't and said he would be here today, if it wasn't raining or snowing...and guess what, it's snowing! The one day I don't want snow and guess what we have. I wish this stupid plumbing would fix itself. We have to dig up our lawn, cut the sheet-rock in our bedroom, and go without water until it's fixed. We aren't without now, but once he starts, we'll be without until it's fixed. We should turn it off so it won't kill our water bill, but with 8 people in the house, it can't be helped.

So it makes sense why I am feeling down.

Ah, it's been a long week. I haven't had a whole lot of time, and no computer time that wasn't spent doing school work. I am on the computer at school tonight because I am avoiding going home. I KNOW ellie is not there with the kids yet, and I REALLY am not wanting to deal with her. I am just waiting until I'm pretty sure she has them home and hopefully in bed. Shouldn't be too much longer now. The Art Appreciation teacher lets out way too early. I would think this is good most of the time, but not when I want to relax, not deal with kids. It does give me extra time to spend at the library doing homework from other classes, which is what I have been doing until now. I am finished with all computer aided work...I think. The rest of the crap is reading. So much damn reading this time! Oh well, that's what I get for taking 6 classes. Wouldn't ya know it. I like my classes, and all my teachers. I think the sexy Art teacher is going to be the biggest pain though. He wants major participation, and no one wants to put themselves on the line and offer an opinion. Of course me and some of the older students don't care, but this is a huge class with only a few old ladies doing the talking.

I hope Sher isn't avoiding me. I think I am just paranoid, but it seems like whenever I call, no one answers. I know they aren't out or sleeping ALL the time. I called today just between classes to chat for a few, and no one was home, anytime I called. I hope I'm not getting on their nerves. My insecurity is really showing now. I think part of that is not knowing anybody again this semester. It sucks to start to get to know people then change all your classes and know no-one again, especially when you are the oldest in all your classes and don't really fit in. Dr. Carpenter (English) thinks I should write an article about that for the school paper. I thin I might, but that is a scary proposition too. It's been a long time since I have written for a school paper, or anything for a paper other than a press release! Anybody have any thoughts on that?


I feel fat lately. I hope I'm not gaining back any of the weight I have lost. That would suck! I have just had those "I feel fat" days for the past couple of days. Maybe it's because I have been eating more junk, and not eating on a regular schedule. It could be because I have been depressed and frustrated and feeling at wits end lately. There is so much I want to accomplish and sometimes it seems like no one is there to help me with my burden. Tom has been dizzy ALOT lately and I want so much to help him, but I can't do anything for him and that makes me feel helpless. School is going to be harder and more time consuming this semester, and I have to do that on my own. The house always looks like a tornado hit it, and no one seems to care but me, and I just don't have time to do anything about it. I have to get De's room empty again, but the thought of going in there makes me want to cry. It's just not a one person job, and no one seems to care about it but me...maybe De, but she doesn't want to help me because its "not my stuff, it's the boys stuff" I can understand that, but with help, I could get it done. Elizabeth is becoming more of the insolent teenager, refusing to do what she's asked, talking back, being a snot nose, being uncooperative. It's like pulling teeth to get her to do anything, and then she complains and mumbles the entire time she's doing it.

Ok, I had better stop now, I didn't intend this to be the poor me tirade it turned into.

Well, I found out those oh so nummy Halvah bars weren't for me but for my dad, so he only gets two, cause one is already gone. But it's ok, I found an online source, cheap and oh so worth it.

Went to Tom's parents house for his dad's 65th birthday last night, and Ellie was of course late getting dinner out, but she has NEVER been that late before. We didn't sit down until after 7:30. So of course with dinner and dessert (the birthday cake that wasn't yet iced) we didn't get home until almost 11. We left because Ellie was getting really touchy and annoyed with the kids. Good dinner though. She really needs to learn how to cook broccoli though. She always overcooks it.

Anyway. I hate it when Sherrie is right. Last night when Tom and I went to bed, about 3, we had sex. Just like Sher predicted. Fantastic sex that we weren't planning on. Hell I wasn't in the mood and I've been sore for 2 days or so, so I sure as hell wasn't planning it. I just wanted to go to bed. It was almost 5 before we finished and went to bed. Plus Tom slept naked with me! I love that!Course kids were up way to early, but De got up and yelled at them. :sigh: Oh well, Tom and I got to sleep a bit later anyway. Now I just have to get him up and over to his dads to get wood. Patrick has already said he would help. I just hope he's not dizzy today.

I love my sister! The FedEx guy was just here delivering a package from Ade, I expected an envelope, being that it's just a check. But it was kinda heavy large envelope and the stuff inside moved around, so I knew it wasn't just packaging to make it look bigger. Not only did she send me more money than I need, but she sent me 3 count them 1,2,3 Halvah bars!!!!! 1 chocolate covered, 1 original, and 1 marble. I'm saving the marble for last. The chocolate covered is already gone. I haven't had these in soooo long! I love them! Hell I think I've only had them once maybe twice since we left Jersey. I have great memories of Dad sharing them, cutting off thin slices of this delicious candy. Plus I discovered that the company that made these (Joyva) sells them over the internet by the box! I have a supplier for my addiction now! They are low in fat, sugars, and carbs, yet oh so delicious! God this is good candy. I am going to try and make it last, but I don't know how well I'm gonna do on that. Hell one is already gone! I LOVE these things! nummy, nummy.

I am tired but De let me sleep late. I hate doing that to her, but it's so easy just to let her get up with the boys when she's here. And I have been so incredibly tired lately. She is here today, but we don't exactly know why. She came yesterday, and spent the night, but she didn't know why and I don't know why. Not that I mind, it just wasn't expected. She caused a lot of turmoil yesterday, until the boys were in bed and Liz was at a friends house. Then she was an angel. She can be so mean one minute and sweet the next. Ah well. I need coffee. See ya later.

And the scary part is that the description really does fit me.

You are Marijuana!

Laid back, dreamy, and maybe a little stinky from skipping a shower.

You rather hang out on the couch watching That 70s Show than go clubbing.

All you need is a big joint, TV, and some Twinkies covered in chocolate syrup!



What Drug Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Ok. Back at school once again. Looks like this semester is going to be a lot harder than last semester. Harder classes, harder teachers, Much longer days, at least on Thursdays. Oh well, this is what I wanted.

Tom has been dizzy for 2 days now, and thus has missed 2 days of work. Never a good thing.

Computer is FUBAR again! Now not only do I have to do all my work on the computers at school because that one doesn't have Word, but we may not have that one at all! Looks like we need a new one, if we can figure out how to afford it. Plus one of my professors insists that everything turned in be typed, so looks like I will be spending a lot of time at the library. I have no clue how I am going to do that! Ah well, such are the joys of computer ownership.

James won't stay in his own damn bed. Every night once Tom and I have gone to bed, here comes James. And he's so quiet that you don't hear him coming in time to head him off. I put him back to bed twice last night before I said fuck it and let him sleep with us. By that time it was 3. Such are the joys of parenthood.

Well I called Ade and told her I needed the money, so I will be calling her again later tonight with the amount, she'll overnight it to me tomorrow. So mortgage will be paid Saturday or Monday. What a relief. I need to sit down again and come up with a budget to make sure all bills get paid on time, so we know how much money we have and where it's going. Put that at the top of the 'To Do' list.

I am going to head home to see my rugrats before bed, cause I know Ellie hasn't gotten the boys in bed yet. But at least I have internet access at school. Maybe Tom can figure out the problem when he feels better.

You are a slave


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Ok, more from the home front. I guess the day got somewhat better. Tom let me sleep all day while he cleaned! So I woke to a clean living room and hallway, and part of the kitchen. That's what I like to wake up to. :D I've been trying to be productive to at least some degree now that the migraine has subsided into just a killer headache. Laundry is being done like crazy, picked up the disaster my boys call a bedroom, washed some dishes, so my day wasn't a complete loss.

I also got registered for all my classes. I had to change one of them to a Monday night class, but I will be home by 3 on Tuesday's now. Unfortunately I will be at school until 9:30 on Thursdays. My schedule is as follows:Mondays 6-9p.m. Intro to Old Testament, Tues & Thurs:The day starts at 10:30 with English 201,Intro. To Sociology, physical and Sensory Disabilities, Then on Thursday only I continue with: Foundations of Education, and Art Appreciation, to get out at 9:30. It will be a VERY long day. Hopefully I will figure out a way to eat between classes.

I just need to work up the nerve to call my uncle now and ask him to borrow some money. Sigh, that's going to be the hardest part of my day, I have been putting it off for too long, and I really need to borrow it now. I am pretty sure he'll lend it too me, but I hate to ask. I wish I could ask my mom, but I know she just lent money to someone, and I've already borrowed from her twice. Paid it back, but I hate asking again. So I guess I had better get on the phone to my uncle before it gets too late to call. Shit, I hate my life! I finally get up my nerve to call, and he's skiing in Utah till the 11th. And of course Ade was there house sitting, so it comes out, and she offers me the money. I hate that it may come to the fact that I have to borrow the money from her. But I know that I am going to have to.

Good morning. Oh God I hope the day gets better! It is not starting out well. Head killing me, not nearly enough sleep, Liz didn't get up with her alarm, and kids already starting fighting! Well I guess it can only get better. Crap, gotta cut this short and get the hubby out of bed so I can get to my appointment on time. Guess I will have to continue later.

Good Morning! It's been awhile. Sorry.

Anyway, here I am, already 4 days into the new year and haven't written yet. Kids go back to school on the 6th, and my first day is the 8th. i am worried about school starting up again. I know I can do it, but after what my practicum teacher said, I worry, am I doing the right thing? Should I be bothering? Is this right for me? Ok, have to get away from negative thoughts here!!!!!

We all made out pretty well for Christmas. Kids got lots, my family went overboard again, but I can't argue with that when it's for me and my kids. I went a little overboard too, but it wasn't too bad.

On New Years Eve Tom had to work and got home with only 20 minutes to spare. But of course James had been fussing since 10:30 and Thomas had just fallen asleep...because he had taken a REALLY long nap! Don't know what James' problem was, but Tom got him to sleep with 2 minutes to spare. And of course Sher called :D And we rung in the new year together! Then proceeded to watch South Park and the South Park movie until 3am. Watching TV together on the phone, sigh, it's one way to be together:(. Soon, I know, but it doesn't make it easier. Ok, I'm supposed to be getting happpier here, not more depressed.

Had a pretty cool monkey chat session the other night. Everyone was naked and on cam. Ok, not everyone, one didn't have a cam, but they were naked. Tom and I were on together, and he even got naked. We had fun. Diva was horny, me too, we were all drinking, except Luvluv (she wasn't naked either-party pooper) It led to some pretty good sex afterward too. >:) That's always good.

We went to the mall yesterday and picked up my Christmas present ring, it was back from being sized. It looks beautiful on my hand. Here is a picture of it :
<"MY RING :D"> This link worked for me, I hope it works for you too. We had a really nice time, even if the kids were with us. We went to EB and bought some games for the Playstation2 (Kingdom Heart) and the Gamecube (Muppet Party Cruise). We played the Muppet game until 2:30, it was really fun! Kinda challenging too. We played until Tom finally won a game, lol. I think we played 4 or 5 games total. It was really fun, I can't wait to play with Tony and Sherrie.

Speaking of T & S, they need to know: We turned on the Gamecube last night and MarioParty 5 was in it. We don't know which kid did it, we haven't looked at it, not even the book, but someone opened it and put it in. Probably one of the girls, Liz denies it, will have to ask De. So it is opened, but neither Tom nor I have even looked at it. Swear. We took it out and put it back in the package, NO ONE WILL PLAY UNTIL WE CAN PLAY TOGETHER!

The house is still a mess, but getting better. The boys room is almost back together. The bunkbeds look really good, but we still need to fix the ladder, they gave us the wrong one for this bed, so we are going to put hooks on it to make it work. Here is a picture: <"BOYS BEDS"> The only differences are: the ladder and there are no casters on ours. It's a birch bed and now that James has gotten used to it, the boys are doing great! Again, this link worked for me, let me know if it doesn't for you.

Tom and I have been sleeping way too late while I've been on vacation from school. It's gonna be really hard to get back in the swing of things when I go back. I think one or the other, or sometimes both has been up before noon yet. Yesterday he let me sleep yet, today I'm letting him sleep late. When De was here and got up and played with the boys, we both slept late. The problem is the boys are getting up at 8:30, 9 and we aren't gettig out of bed until 10, or later, and the other one sleeps while the one who got up cleans up the mess they have made. Ah the price of a decent nights sleep.

And one more link for Diva, who couldn't see my hair color in the cam the other night, because my cam colors aren't quite right: True Red. So there it is for ya diva, you like?