Where are you? I know you probably just didn't leave yet, but I'm worried...Even called barbs wanting to see if you were there..Only got voicemail WHERE ARE YOU????AND WHY AREN"T YOU HERE???--ok so that was more of a blurt than a blog, but I need to know. I just wish I knew where she was. They said they were leaving yesterday, yeah I know I'm not supposed to know, but Sher couldn't NOT tell me, now it makes me wonder if they are ok, or decided to stay in PA until after Christmas. I just want to know where they are. Are they ok? Did they die in a firey wreck? What happened to being here yesterday? I expected them 24hrs ago...Its only a 10 hour drive at the most...So where are they? I don't know what to think.

Ok, on to the rest of it. Thomas got on my last nerve. He just talks so damn much! We went to the mall, just Thomas, Tom and me. We bought some last minute gifts, then came home and Tom left for work. Thomas needed to go to Wal-Mart because he forgot to buy Liz her gift. He wanted to buy her something with his money. So off we went. First stop was the pharmacy, of course we had a wait, but he was well behaved. Then we went to Wally World :sigh: It was packed and he wanted to walk, keeping up with where he was was a task by itself. Plus he kept stopping and wanting toys. He was cute but annoying, it was better after I got him in a cart, but I was almost done when that happened. Then we went to the Hallmark store, again, cute but annoying. The employees all loved him though. Then to Food Lion, AAARRRGGGHHH! I was so frustrated by then I really shouldn't have taken him. Anyway, off to home, Liz let him fall asleep, and its too early of course, so I made her wake him, so now he's tired and cranky. I need to cook dinner, but am really not hungry and don't want to cook. Liz is going to make the boys some noodles.

I am going to get some decorations out tonight, maybe bake some cookies, yeah I know it's last minute, but I need SOMETHING to get me in the holiday spirit.

The boys bunkbeds came last night, I had them set them up in one spot and realized after they left that Thomas would hit his head on the ceiling fan getting out. :rolly eyes: So we moved them, but will have to change the sides out so that the desk isn't against the wall, the shelves are. Plus they forgot the brackets to keep the ladder on, so right now the ladder is propped up against the wall so it doesn't slide when Thomas gets in and out of bed. James is getting better at sleeping in "a big boy bed".

I am listening to radio Kaos- I love it, I can't wait to hear Chaos tonight, I missed it last night...Tom wanted to play Diablo, he said he would get off so I could listen, but never did, then I showered and went to bed. So I look forward to listening to him tonight. I just won't let him have the puter when he gets home. >:)

Sigh, I need to go downstairs and get some decorations. I'll let Liz decorate while I sulk.

You Should Have a Threesome

You are sure to be a threesome pro (even if you're a first timer)

You're considering having a threesome for the right reasons

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Should You Have a Threesome?

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Well it's Sunday, 4 days until Christmas and I have done NOTHING! We have no tree up, no decorations, no cookies baked, NOTHING! The house isn't even clean enough to do any of that. I am not as stressed about it this year, but I feel like I don't care that it's done or not. Liz keeps asking if we are going to have a tree. Tom won't be have a day off until Christmas Eve, so if we do the tree I have to do it by myself, and I just don't care enough to fool with it. I have almost all my shopping done. i can't figure out what to get for Tom's dad. I would also like to get one more thing for Ade. I really want to get in the holiday spirit, but can't seem to get there. I haven't even listened to one Christmas carol yet. I got out the CD's, but haven't beenin the mood enough to turn one on.

The only thing I am really looking forward to is Tony and Sherrie arriving. Except that everytime they set a date, it gets put off by one thing or another. This time it was making a trip to AAA tomorrow when they open. So it should be tomorrow. But I keep thinking that and something else happens. :sigh: I want to get my hopes up and look forward to their arrival, but I just can't live with the disappointment anymore. So I have decided to not anticipate but just be happy when they arrive. Then maybe I will be happy enough to get into the Christmas spirit, and decorate this disaster area I call a house.

I came home from shopping tonight and the boys had torn up the the styrofoam packing from the one and only Christmas decoration I took out. they tore up the syrofoam into little balls, all over the house, bedrooms, living room, kitchen. So as soon as I came home I had to bring in Kim and Patricks dogs that will be wit us until after New Years (if Pat has his way), and vacuum up he water in the basement, then come up here and sweep and pick up three rooms. It seems like Elizabeth did absolutely nothing I asked her to do while I was gone. :sigh: All the more I have to do and be overwhelmed with.

So much going on. I am really disappointed with my grades. I made 2 A's and 3 B's. I really feel that 2 of those B's should have been A's, but what can I do? I could re-take the classes, but I mean B's aren't that bad, just disappointing. :( The 2 A's I already knew for sure I would get. :sigh: Oh well. I also sold back all my books, and still can't find the English 202 book for next semester. I don't want to but it new. I am trying not to be disappointed with my grades, I had so hoped they would cheer me up, but it didn't.

The bunkbed my parents ordered for the boys was supposed to come today, so we took down their needs, emptied their room, to get ready for the delivery guys. The bed was supposed to come this morning. At noon when they still weren't here, I called to see when they would be here. They won't! Apparently the order was cancelled MONDAY and no one bothered to tell us! I called Dad and he said it was about something that happened with Adrienne's bed "years ago", but he was not in a good mood and wouldn't tell me more, except that they will be getting the boys bed from Chattanooga, sometime in the future??? That sucks, now we have to set up Thomas' bed and get a rail so James can sleep in it, and Thomas will have to sleep in DeAnne's room until further notice. That is the only thing I can think of to do.

The bad news just keeps coming in droves! Tony and Sherrie have no clue when they will be able to get here. It keeps getting pushed back and pushed back, I don't know what to think anymore. I'm not sure if I should even hope that they are coming. :( I know it's something that can't be helped, but that doesn't keep my hopes up.

We owe so much in bills I don't know what to do, other than call my uncle and borrow it from him. I can't borrow from my parents this close to Christmas, and Tom's parents won't let us borrow it, I'm not sure they even have it for us to borrow. I just want to pay off all the bills so people will stop calling trying to get us pay bills that we don't have the money to pay. I'm ready to turn off the phone just to make the calls stop.

Can you tell the depression is hitting hard this Christmas? I hate the holidays. My house is a shambles, I have no decorations up, Tom has worked every day since December 8th, and won't be off until Christmas Eve. I'm not sure if I have gotten everyone presents yet. I have so much to do before Christmas, even just the little chores seem overwhelming.

I dread going to the families houses for Christmas. Not looking forward to dealing with my sisters, though they are mad at each other, and I don't think they have made up yet, so it might not be leave Monica out of EVERY conversation, unless it's about how loud and ungrateful her children are, this year. Ok so I hate holidays, every single last one of the good awful things. I was kinda looking forward to New Years, but if I can't get and keep my house clean and decorated, there will be no party this year.

We haven't had wood in days, so the house has been cold. Central heat and air just doesn't cut it when it's below 40, and it's been in the 30's and below lately. Plus it's snowing in M'town, and moving this way. It's supposed to snow all day today and all night tonight. Tom and Patrick went up to Tom and Ellies to get wood, at the very least fill up the mini van. That will keep us for a few days, until we can get a pick-up load. Filling up Tom's trunk only did us for a about 2 days. We've been burning pallets, but they burn quickly. I hope Tom will have enough time to start a fire when he gets back.

Went out with mom and the girls last night and they pissed mom off so bad that it was no fun, even though I got 3 new pairs of shoes. They just wouldn't stop the back-biting and bickering. And Elizabeth was being an ingrate and disrespectful. I don't know what to do about it because she doesn't see that she is doing anything wrong. At least De apologizes when she behaves badly, but Liz doesn't even she that she is in the wrong and needs to apologize. :sigh: What am I going to do with her?

:sigh: Think I'll go try to make my kitchen usable. :( I have no great desire to clean. But I have to stop this before I start crying. Besides the boys are probably hungry. I'm off to the kitchen.

Hi all. Such a busy and stressful time. Papers due, finals coming up, babysitters sick. Life could be worse though. I'm in a really good mood today, even though Patrick was here when I got home to see Tom between classes.

Friday night we had INCREDIBLE sex! I mean multiple orgasms, one after another. It was fantastic. It was definitely cigarette sex. Tom was wonderful! It was a good thing we had sex though, I started my period Saturday. :( It was worth it, and still I am in a good mood. :D

DeAnne has been home all weekend, she finally left Sunday night. Sometimes she causes more problems than I can handle. I wonder sometimes, if it's worth letting her stay with Mom and Dad, when she causes so much trouble when she's home.

Tom and I had a real, honest to God date Saturday. I mean, dress-up, dinner at the Country Club (ok so Nashua Christmas Party, but it counts). We sat alone so we had privacy and could be love. Hell no-one from second shift was there, so I knew like 2 people. Then we went to the mall and Christmas shopped for the kids. It was nice to be all dressed up, looking good, Tom wore a tie, I wore heels, we both looked really good. It was so nice to be out with the one you love, no kids. And when we got home, Dad had put them all to bed already, and they were asleep.

I wrote my English paper Sunday night, and one of my New Testament reflection papers. I will do the second one today. I also have a paper to write on my observation for Lifespan. It's due Wednesday when we take our exam. I really need to work on that. It's not really clear on what he wants. I don't think I can bullshit for 3-5 pages though.

Tom made a FANTASTIC standing rib roast and garlic mashed potatoes for dinner Sunday night. I love it when he cooks. He is so good at it, I wish he were home to do it more often. He really has a knack for it.

Tom and Patrick went to get more wood from Ellie and Tom, since we are out, and the fire really keeps things much warmer in here. We really noticed the difference yesterday when we had no wood and the floors were just so cold. I love having a fire.

Still I am in a really good mood. The fire is warm, the kids are being good, all is quiet in the house, I feel really productive, Courtney thinks I did a good job on my paper, so now I just have to revise. I'll do that between my next 2 classes. I am lovin this new Google tool bar. It's pretty cool. And Tom downloaded a new Christmas theme yesterday, it's great. I am just happy with the world today, I hope it stays that way.

Ok, I can't deal with this. I have been on edge since 4:30. The girls won't get along and when they do, they are refusing to do as I ask. No one can agree on what they want for dinner, so the boys and De had pasta, James also had a peanut-butter sandwich, and De also had a chicken patty. Liz is refusing to eat anything I offer, so she made herself a peanut-butter sandwich and some toast. When DeAnne is here I hate the way the kids act. De is bitchy, and hateful, and she makes Liz bitchier, she makes the boys go wild, and get cranky. It is some much more stressful with her here, I even want a cigarette now. I haven't wanted a cigarette in 3 weeks, except the last time she was here. (I wish I had the rolly eyed smiley in here)

I hate being this stressed. I have papers due and finals are coming up, I don't need this shit. We have no more wood, I don't know when we'll be able to go get more, because Tom feels like shit. I just hope he's up for the Christmas party tomorrow night. I'm worried about Sherrie, we haven't talked since she said she was upset Wednesday night, and she really didn't say anything about why she was upset.

I need to be left alone. I need a big bowl of ice cream. I need to feel better. I need to know why Sherrie is upset. I need to know why De hates me. I need to listen to some angry music. I need to listen to some happy music. Why am I so , so , so , damn I don't know!

Just waiting for the timer to ring so I can wash the color out of my hair. Going for a little redder this time. It's called: True Red. I like it. What do you think? I wanted a touch-up for the Nashua Christmas party tomorrow night.

Well, Thanksgiving is over. So much has been going on.

Sherrie didn't make it down...yet. We still have hope. Yes, still looking forward to that.

Ade was here and brought Maria. Maria is very cool, also HOT!

Did the Black Friday shop with the fam. It was me, Mom, Ade, Trish and Liz. Fun, but not so much. I had to wait around on there asses all day and when I wanted to shop for me, Mom got all impatient with me. Plus I hardly spent any money at all. I bought for Tom and that's about it.

Ade caused big problems on Saturday and Sunday. She saw Abuser man again, fought with Trish and Mom. On Sunday broke up with abuser man (yet again), blamed it on Mom and Trish , went to a ball game on Mom and refused to speak to mom, Dad, or De the entire time. The tension at Trish's house is so thick you could slice it. Boy am I glad I moved on from that sort of thing.

School will be over in two weeks. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I still have so much to do. Oh well, I can only do the best I can with what I got. Whitlow said he will count my report (aka bringing in Mark and Kim) as extra credit, since I want to take all my tests. I didn't do as well on the last one, only an 84. I don't think many did well on that, he offered to let whoever wanted to re-take the test. I definitely like Dr Carpenter better. Or maybe I just like the material that we are covering better.

All the kids are gone right now, I should go do some homework.

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Good God, I thought Ellie would NEVER leave tonight. She didn't get here with the boys until 9:45, and she didn't leave until 11! And she was talking about nothing! AHHHH just to be left alone.

I have been trying to catch up on laundry, there never seems to be an end to it. Thomas only had 2 pairs of pants in his drawer this morning. I was down to my last pair of underwear, with the water heater having been out, I wasn't doing any laundry.

Sherrie told me this morning that they won't be coming for another day. I can wait, but I don't want to break it to Thomas, he was so excited that they would be here tomorrow. He'll understand, but he'll be sad. He keeps coloring pictures to give them when they get here.

Speaking of Thomas, he fell down the basement stairs today. He wanted to go down with Tom and watch him pump out the basement. He slipped on a stair and slid. He has got one hell of a knot and bruise right under his eye. Plus the swollen part is scraped. He also has a scrape on his neck. Then he went over to Ellies tonight, and he and James bumped heads while playing and has a bump on the other side, just above his eye. My poor baby. He was so brave. I didn't get home until after he had calmed down, he was sitting calmly with the ice pack on his cheek, watching TV.

Classes weren't to bad today. I got back one test, I wasn't thrilled with the grade. One point from an A. I should have done better. I will just have to study harder next time. We won't get our tests back from Psych for another two weeks. He was out last week, they weren't done yet this week, and we are off for Thanksgiving next week. It's gonna drive me nuts!!!!I hope we get our English papers back Friday. I have to start writing my reflective papers for New Testament. I have to get two done per week for the next few weeks. Shouldn't be too hard, just a little time consuming.

I have a Lab appointment tomorrow morning, and so much to get done. I hope I can get it all done. I have to plan a Girl Scout meeting for Friday too. I need to just have a day that I can sleep late and relax, but I always have so much to do, and the kids to take care of in the morning. I want a vacation. At least we have Thanksgiving break next week, so I only have class on Monday. Of course I have a test on Monday. Oh well, I will get through it all, I always do. I will survive .

I am really not feeling well. I had such a bad headache, possibly migraine, earlier, that I slept on the couch while the kids went nuts. Liz, of course, watched the boys; she took them outside for awhile. The problem being that she doesn't stop them from making a mess. I feel like crap. I came home early from my practicum. Yes that's how bad I felt. I didn't want to go at all, but last week was a holiday, and I've got to get these hours finished.

I finally got Tom to join "the Funk" and he goes and screws it up. I have been up way too long.

Took Liz to school at 5:45 for a field trip with Student Council to Chattanooga. But I couldn't get back to sleep because I couldn't breathe.

Tom is going top the Dr. today, but he probably isn't going to work.

It's gonna be a long day!!!

Stupid me invited Kim and Mark for dinner tonight. I really don't want company.

After class I have to go to my mom's and give a leader more nuts. Busy day.

My mind isn't staying in coherent thoughts right now. Good thing no tests today!

I think I may try to quit smoking again. I haven't had one since Thursday...though if I had had one on me this morning I would have. I can't really breathe well enough to smoke, and it hurts my chest because of all this congestion and phlegm in there.

I hope Tom is ok. I wonder what the Dr. said. What is wrong with him??? I am worried but frustrated. I am tired of my baby being sick. :(

Gotta go, time for class. (and gotta go potty)

Ok, ok. So it's been awhile. I've had a lot going on. First school; classes are still going well. I had two tests, two quizzes, and a paper due last week. My Lifespan Development class test so sucked, but at least he cancelled class last week. We should find out our grade on Wednesday. It was 130 multiple choice questions plus 10 essay questions, 1 page answer per. At least the essay questions were take home. We should get back our New Testament test today. I have another paper to turn in today. At least I got it done early, I still have to go to school and print it out, but as long as it's ready before 11am were ok.

I registered for next semester last Thursday. A lot of the classes I wanted were already full, but I still was able to re-arrange it enough to get all required classes, all on Tuesday and Thursday, and nothing before 10. Next semester I am taking 18 hours, instead of 15, so I am pushing myself even harder, but I want to get school over with. That's bad, I am in my first semester and I already want it over. I just want to be in the real world, teaching.

I am excited. Sherrie called last night to say they were leaving Wednesday, instead of waiting for the weekend!!! That's so cool! I am so excited about having them here.

The hot water heater still isn't working right. I will have to get Dad over here to fix it....But he couldn't find anything wrong with it yesterday...other than one of the thermostats was turned to low. Had Mom, Da, De, all of us, plus Kim and Mark for dinner. Then Wal-Mart sent Patrick home (he fell off a ladder) so he came in after dinner, but still ate. I had a house full last night.

Shit, James woke up at around 6:45, and he just will not go back to sleep. I guess I'll get him up and let him have breakfast. He had better get a good LONG nap today!

Tom has to go to the doctor. He is having pain and pressure behind his right eye, so much so that it's making him dizzy. BAD thing, he got a one day suspension less than 2 weeks ago for tardiness and abseteism. I am so worried they are going to fire him. He was late one day last week, he doesn't think he can work today, unless the doctor can find a quick fix. His health worries me so much.

Good Lord I wish James would stop this waking up during the night. Tom was up with him almost all night, and this is the third time this week. I have such a headache, woke up with it. It's never a good thing to wake up with a headache.

Tom and I got to have really good sex last night. I really wasn't expecting it, because I just haven't been in the mood. He has been really horny, and I have been so stressed that the stress is over-whelming everything and I just haven't even wanted to think about sex. I have even been trying to read porn before bed to try and help, but nothing. I stopped reading the stories posted in BAC, I figure they'll do me more good when I can get something out of them (sigh). But anyway, something just clicked. Tom slapped my ass in just the right way, and it was good. I made him keep doing it, and got aroused enough to make love. It's never happened like that before.

I also watched some of the lunar eclipse. I love those, it was so beautiful.

Last night was much better than Friday night over-all. Went out with Kim and the kids, that sucked, just to the grocery store, BORING since I didn't need anything and she wanted to grocery at Wal-Mart. I got stuck with the kids. It was decent company though. Then we went back to her house, she fixed dinner while I came back to my house and got Patrick, he called into work sick. He is SUCH A COMPLAINER!I don't think I could live with that. It would make me nuts. I grew up in a house where you didn't complain unless you were close to death. He makes it sound like his leg is broken if he stubs his toe. He is hyper-sensitive to pain, and I think he milks it for attention from Kim.

Dang, I just realized I never wrote about James birthday. It was nice. He got lots of presents. We had a nice party here at the house. Ellie did come, because one of the dogs got sick so she decided to wait to go up to Jersey. So she came with Tom, and Trish and Shane, and Kim and Patrick brought Mark. Tom did so much work getting ready for the party it made him really dizzy, so he layed down before everyone got their he missed everything. I felt so bad. The Cates couldn't come and neither could Vince and Dawn, but maybe next year.

I like this Sunday morning tradition of going to Kim and Patricks for pancakes, but it's so hard to get tom functioning in the morning. (and I make better pancakes :D) I have no clue what I am going to make for all of us for dinner. I should get something out before we leave. Speaking of leaving, that was the girls calling to be picked up from Sunday school. gotta go.

Good Lord! I can't stand the noise anymore! The boys are being SO loud, the girls are fighting, Liz is giving me so much lip I may have to take her head off. I just can't take much more! I am so sick and tired of school and kids and bullshit I don't know what to do! I got my paper back, I was hoping for a better grade, but only made a C+, I forgot to put an assignment in the final folder, maybe if I had, I could have made a B :(. Too late now. We got our next assignment today, an argumentative paper.

I am so stressed. Between school ,and papers, and homework, and tests, and kids, and husbands, and housework, and practicum, good lord! Is it any wonder I haven't been on the computer this week except for school work? I have so much to do before Tony and Sherrie get here and so little time to do it, and my life gets in the way.

Ahh house is getting quieter. Put boys to bed, girls are in PJ's so if they mis-behave they are off to bed in a heartbeat. Think I will go clean kitchen.

I hate writing papers. I feel so stupid! At least I have friends who know how to write and put my thoughts in an order that make sense! I love having a nice quiet library to work in, well sorta quiet, lots of people here coming and going, but at least I can get some work done. Plus I have the help of my friends :D

I wish Tom were feeling better, but in some ways I'm glad he's not, because he's at home with the kids so I can be here at the library working while he's with the kids.

I am having a dilemma or two. I have been subbing for the special ed. Teacher (who decided to resign because she can’t deal with her 8 kids) I love this class, I find it easy, the kids are well behaved, with one or two exceptions, they do there work with a little help, and are basically good kids. The problem I have found is the teachers aide, Steve, when he is in there the problems begin, the kids start having attitudes, they won’t do there work, they talk back, not to me, but to him; and I can see why; he treats them like dogshit! When Steve leaves, they are fine for me. When Steve shuts his mouth, they are fine for me, but I treat them with respect, he doesn’t. He yells at them and treats them horribly. But as a substitute I don’t feel like there is anything I can really do about it. I happen to know that no teacher in the school will work with him because of his attitude, I don’t know why he hasn’t been fired. Anyway, I wish I could do something, but I can’t, not yet anyway. It’s funny, subbing gave me the desire to go back and teach, but I couldn’t decide what to get me certification in. Now that I have subbed for the special ed. classes, I am really leaning toward special ed., they need someone who will care for them and want to teach them, and I think I can do that.

I miss “the Box” I haven’t been on in so long. I haven’t been able to post in so long. All this homework is ruining my social life on the box. I miss all my monkey friends.

Thomas is sick, looks like a 24hr. - 48 hr stomach virus that’s going around. He was running a temp of 102.7 with Tylenol in him. For the first 24 hours he was just sleeping and lethargic, then came the diarrhea and throwing up. My baby isn’t feeling well.

It’s weird I keep dreaming about my Blog. About the comments section, coming in and there being 6, 7, 8, comments a day. I don’t know why. Maybe because I wonder if people read this thing, and if they do, what they think. Even my husband, I know he reds it, I wish he would at least comment.

School is hard. Do I really want to do this for 4 years? No. Do I really want to teach? YES!!!! So I guess I have to take the bad with the good. The work is so hard, and it's overwhelming at times. I just don't know what to do. It makes me feel in adequate. Then Miss wenchy English Prof. won't let me change the topic of the damn paper that I haven't started anyway! Oh hell. I just have a shit load of writing and re-writing to do this weekend. I hate research papers. That's what this really is, it's not an "Investigative Report" It's a damn research paper and I hate it.

James' birthday is in two weeks and it's killing me, he'll be two. He's at the age Thomas was when I was ready for another one. It makes me sad to see him this old. I know we don't need anymore, but....

Dawn lost the baby. She was pregnant and she miscarried about 2 weeks ago. I'm sure she and Vince are devastated. I haven't even seen her yet to express my condolences.

Liz is all worried about no girls coming back to Girl Scouts this year. Frankly, I don't care. If we have a small troop it will be easier for me. So far I think we only have Liz, Courtney, De (?), Ashley, and a new girl, I don't know about Erica and Kristi yet. Oh well.

I am overwhelmed with everything going on in my life right now that I don't really know what to worry about. Everything and nothing. I have to go and write some papers now. One paper is due tomorrow and the other I have to do a presentation on tomorrow. The one I have to do a presentation on, I can't even find resources for! Wish me luck!

I haven't updated and told what's going on IRL in so long. I hope no-one is totally bored with me. I hate my English class, love the teacher, hate the class. I just can't get interested in writing about Appalachia. I am really enjoying the teacher that I am doing practicum with, she is a really great teacher.

Kim moved down last week, and now I just to get Sherrie here, then I will be happy. I didn't realize I could be happy with Kim here, we haven't seen or talked to each other in years, but I guess all those years of growing up together make a difference; because, even though we haven't even spoken in years, it's like we were always close. Which is funny because we didn't even grow up that close to each other, with her family moving so much, just summers. Plus once adolecence hit we never spent time together. It's nice, I really didn't expect to become close friends with her again. It's cool though because I think she'll like Sherrie and Tony and the 6 of us will get along well and be able to do stuff together. it will be nice. It is nice to have the same interests as other adults. It will be fun :D

I so can't WAIT for Sherrie to move!!!!! As it gets closer, I get more and more excited! Tom and Patrick have been cleaning out the basement, and I mean REALLY cleaning! We'll be moving kids stuff upstairs and taking stuff to the Salvation Army (since their store burned down Sunday night)

I probably haven't posted yet that right now so many people are pregnant around me, it's a good thing Tom is fixed or I might "catch" it ;) Trish is Due May 24, Kim (David's wife not the above) is due April 1.

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More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Your Sexual Power Animal is a Penguin!

Choosy, selective, and monogamous.



Not only are you picky when it comes to sex.

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What's Your Sexual Power Animal?

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Thank you for leaving comments, I appreciate it. I really do like to know that people are reading and what you think of my boring life, and any advice is always appreciated. :D

Why doesn't anyone ever makre comments. I don't think anyone reads my blog. :(

I am so bored! I want Sherrie to come online and talk to me! Tom is helping Kim and Patrick unpack. I can't even go to the store to get the few things we need for dinner because I have no car, and I'm bored. i have a report I could work on, but I am procrastinating yet again. So far I have baked bread (for dinner), helped Liz with homework, and washed dishes to procrastinate.

I wish I knew what was wrong with my car. I know it's going to cost more money than I have. I REALLY hope I can convince my father to pay for it. It just died while I was driving down the road. No clue why. It did that once before. I don't remember what it was that time either. I hope to God it doesn't cost me a fortune.

Hell. Today started out good. English was canceled so I got to come home early, I got a lot of cleaning and laundry done. Made the deposit, went to the store, paid the electric bill. I was feeling pretty good about getting so much accomplished. Then Tom went to work. DeAnne is home until Tuesday. She started out great, all helpful and nice and being a great kid. Then I don’t know what happened to her. I asked her to put away her laundry that has been sitting on her dresser for several weeks, hissy fit. I told her to make her bed, because I made it yesterday and she was roughhousing on it and pulled the blankets off, hissy fit.

I let all the girls have ½ hour of computer time each and Thomas 15 minutes, then watch TV, while I washed dishes and folded laundry. I then asked the girls to help me. Liz to empty the dishwasher, among other things, and De to crush cans (because she said earlier she would). Hissy fit. When she went outside and saw that some of the cans in the recycling box were not crushed she yelled at me, “Mom, why did you out uncrushed cans in here, you know they’re not supposed to be in here, are you trying to make it harder for me?,” etc., etc. To which I went outside and informed her I didn’t do it and not to speak to me like that.
I wanted to slap her face so badly, but restrained myself, instead I just pulled the uncrushed cans out of the box. She stopped before she was done to play with Thomas and James, then complained about it. I didn’t tell her to watch them or play with them, I asked her to crush the cans, which she never finished. Hissy fit.

She kept throwing in my face how she hates me, she hates living here, she wants to go back to Grandmas house, no one loves her, we always yell at her, etc. I told her, to think about maybe the way she gets treated is because of the way she treats us. She is always yelling at all of us, screaming and having fits.

I asked her to set the table for dinner, while Liz made the side dishes and I grilled the meat, hissy fit. Hell Liz even helped her with that one. I called them for dinner, the boys were playing in the backyard and I called them as I brought in the porkchops. De came out and James came up the stairs, Thomas wasn’t coming, so while she was standing there, porkchops in hand, I yelled to Thomas, “Dinner is ready, come inside.” I turned, and went in. Put dinner on the table, no De and Thomas. I look out the window, De is hanging on the rope and Thomas is climbing the ladder. I was sooo angry! I went outside and told them to get inside, gave them a swat as they came up the stairs. Thomas took his, not a problem, because he knew he deserved it. De tried to tell me she didn’t know it was time for dinner! I was incredulous. I should have given her 2 swats, one for disobeying and one for lying. Of course, you guessed it, hissy fit.

She is pushing my limits and wasn’t even here for a full day. Had a hissy at dinner, I forget what about now, cutting her meat I think. And another over a TV show…still at the dinner table. I just don’t understand why she is so good and well behaved at my mothers and not at home. What am I doing wrong? She makes me feel like such a bad parent. I feel so inadequate with her. I feel like I know nothing. All the other kids are such good, well mannered, well behaved, sweet, caring, loving,. Non-hissy fit throwing children…with the exception of an occasional from Thomas, but that is to be expected from an over tired or hungry 4 year old, not a ten-year-old. The real problem is, it really makes me not want her here. On one hand I want her home, on the other, I never want her to come home. James started the saying “Idiot” again, I thought we finally got that stopped. And Thomas starting hitting James more again, hitting for no apparent reason. The only thing I can attribute it to is De being home, because it didn’t start until after she had the 2 of them alone for awhile, and was yelling and screaming at them. I like the peace that falls over my house when she is not here. I like the quiet and the calm. I like the non-violence. I like the peace, the tranquillity. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what happened to me. I didn’t have a horrible day, but I came home and a downer hit me like a slap in the face. All of a sudden this great depression, which just didn’t want to be lifted, descended upon me. I wish I knew what happened. I think it was coming home and Tom was gone already and nothing had been done since I left, even the one thing I asked him to do, wash James’ sheets. Not a damn thing had been done. I had intended today to be a cleaning day since we are helping Kim and Patrick move this weekend. The living room was a mess, laundry needs to be done, the boys’ room could stand to be picked up again, and the kitchen needs to be scrubbed… So much to do, and it seems like I never have any spare time. I have done 4 loads of laundry picked up the living room some. At least I feel like I have accomplished something.

Ellie took the kids to her house for dinner so I could go hear the Tennessee Principal of the Year speak at Carson Newman, she was really interesting. I hate when Ellie gets the boys home so late though. It's 2 hours past bedtime, and James is so wound up he doesn't want to sleep. At least Thomas fell right to sleep. Sounds like James is finally asleep too. Only took him an hour!

I am trying to relax and stop being so depressed now. Talking to Randy helps me not feel so down, and Sherrie was helping, but she disappeared. I get so lonely at night when Tom is at work. Maybe that’s why I’m down. I don’t know. I just need a friend to talk to, to do stuff with, and to be with when I get lonely. Ah Sherrie, I can’t wait until you come home…sigh.

Had an interesting day. I subbed for Mrs. Mabry, 7th grade Science, the class was interesting, however I had a few kids who wouldn’t STOP! Anthony wouldn’t give it up. He was being disrespectful, loud, I was so angry at his behavior, if we had had class for 10 more minutes, he would have gotten an office referral. Instead he got moved to the front and an extra sheet of homework.

Before I left school, De was being disrespectful. I’m sure she was just showing off, but it pissed me off.

Then I came home, and Liz decided to be disrespectful and argumentative with me, and we argued for about 30 minutes about nothing in particular. Her sarcasm is bothering me. She wants a detailed explanation anytime I say “No.” She doesn’t want me to talk to anyone about her. I’m not “allowed” to tell anyone anything bad about her. What is with kids giving me a hard time today?

I have no clue what I am going to make for dinner. I am hungry but I don’t know what for. I can’t think of anything good off hand. Thomas and James have both been sick for the last couple of days and are finally getting a bit better, but I don’t want to make anything that will upset their stomachs anymore than they already are.

Clifford is sooooo funny today! I usually don’t find it this amusing, but it is really funny today. Clifford and his buddies are making up a story as they go along, and it’s really goofy! It reminds me of playing Mad Libs with Tony and Sherrie. Ahhhh, I miss that. Can’t wait to do that again.

I got both my New Testament paper and My English 101 paper turned in yesterday nice and early. I have a test on Monday and one on Wednesday. That so bites! I really hate that part of going to school. I like being back to school. It makes me feel worthy, the only problem is we need money. I will have to get a job somewhere, doing something. I also am going to have to apply for food stamps and stuff. We have to have it. At least until I get a job. I wish we could afford for me not to work. I hate feeling pressured to work as well as go to school. It is so much to do. And soon I have to start doing my practicum, which is essentially working and not getting paid. I need a vacation!

Now I am depressed. I was already worried about Sherrie. Now I am depressed too. You see, De is sick you see. Mom told me this morning that when she woke up Dad would be bringing her over so I could take her to the doctor. I called a little while ago. She is at their house, Dad is at work and has been since this morning. Seems he gave her a choice, and she chose to stay there alone than come home. Why does my child hate me? I don’t know what to do? I want to make her come home just to punish her, but I know letting her stay there is better for her. Am I that bad a mother? None of the other kids seem to hate me this way. She doesn’t even want to be with me when she’s sick, she would rather be alone. I just wanted to take care of her. Yes I tried to guilt her a bit and let her know how I felt. Let her know it hurt my feelings that she didn’t come home. Why doesn’t she ever want to come home? She wants to play with Liz. She Just doesn’t ever seem to want to come home. I don’t understand it. I want to cry.

Damn, today was a rough day! It was long and hard and seemed to be never ending. Got to wake up with a call from the Mortgage Company, send us money now or we foreclose. Unfortunately, I have no money. So we have to wait for Tom to get paid again, and hope we can get some more money in before they want it all by. I want so badly to borrow the money from somewhere, but I honestly have no clue where I would borrow the money. I am so tempted to call Ade or Uncle Jim, but I really don’t want to do that. I know I can’t get it from my mom, I already owe her a couple of mortgage payments.

Today was my long day at school, so it was rough. I picked up my hitchhiker, and his roommate, again this morning, I gave him my number and told him to call if he needed a ride to class. Nice guy, except he kept calling me ma’am.

I got to come home for awhile and take a short nap, My 1 o‘clock Intro. To Secondary Ed class was canceled so I got to come home, have lunch and a short nap. My English Prof. sprung another essay on us, due Friday, just the rough draft, but still, damn. When does she expect us to do it? I have no clue what I am going to write about. We will have a quiz in my Special Ed class next Mon. all memorizing dates, and law numbers. And of course in Human Development (psych) we have to read yet another section of the book, 2 more chapters, hell I never read the last 3, I didn’t realize we were supposed to. I took 5 pages of notes in there tonight! This is beginning to feel overwhelming.

On top of all that, Girl Scouts is starting up again, I am the Fall Product sale chair for the service unit (aahh) and we haven’t had our first meeting yet as a troop. I don’t know how I am going to do it this year. I feel so overwhelmed. I am going to have to get help or I will not be able to do scouts. I have decided to have a parent meeting, at Ellie’s suggestion, and inform the parents of my situation and what I will need from them. I can NOT do it all on my own!

When I came home tonight at 9:15, none of the kids were in bed. And lucky me, De was here. That frustrates the living hell out of me! I want them to be in bed at least, if not asleep. I think, when Dr. Osborne lets us out early I may go over to the MSAC or the library and hang out until 10 (when class is supposed to get out) just so I don’t have to deal with kids. I know that sounds terrible, but tonight I was in no mood. When I saw all the kids were out of bed still, I just wanted to scream! But what could I do, except help put them to bed, they are my kids after all.

So many feelings today, it’s been a rough one, good but rough. This morning I started off my day by doing a good deed. I picked up a hitchhiker. :-0 It was another student on his way to class, don’t worry…and he was cute, an added bonus. I was a little late for New Testament, but he hadn’t gotten to my name yet, so I wasn’t late;-) Then I had English, turned in my first rough draft. I was so nervous. I wanted Sherrie to read it first, but I couldn’t reach her. I hope it gets a good grade. It’s about Elizabeth. After class I hauled ass to the middle school and my afternoon subbing job, 7th grade Science.

The afternoon was good. After school, I went to Food lion and put an application in. As soon as I walked in the door, Lillie looked really relieved, and before she even looked at my application, asked, “can you start training tomorrow?” That shocked the heck out of me. But Yeah I can. She brought me into the store manager, Debbie, and she interviewed me. So if Lillie calls tonight, I may start tomorrow! She told me when I left, that she already put me on the schedule! Now she just has to talk to Debbie and get Debbie to agree. Evidently they need people rather badly. Now we just need to work out a baby-sitter.

I wish Tom had had such a good day, but he’s dizzy and didn’t go to work. I lied to my Mom about it, because I didn’t want to listen to her bitch. I REALLY want to talk to Sherrie but she has been MIA for the last few days. I really miss talking to her. I wanted her to read my paper before I had to turn it in, but she wasn’t around for it. As soon as she gets back, she’d better let me know so I can send it to her.

After a delicious dinner, I went outside and mowed the lawn. My hands are still tingling. I was mowing until well after dark, 8:45, I finally finished! But the lawn no longer looks like a hay field. Now we just have to rake it all up tomorrow. Plus I want to either borrow or rent a chain saw to cut up the brush and the tree in the back so the back doesn’t look so much like a jungle. I have accomplished so much today and it feels good. I hope I can get as much done tomorrow. Now it’s time for cold beer and relaxation.

Blogging again, yes its been that kind of day. I'm tired. Tom got off to work ok. He slept until 1:30. But woke up feeling pretty ok. The doctor said James was doing much better than she expected. His lymph nodes were no longer swollen, throat looked clear, ears were clear. Just finish up the coarse of antibiotics. I went to pick up my paycheck from my dad, unfortunately he lost one of my timecards and instead of getting almost $1000, I only got $469. I really need that money. Hell, he argued with me at first and then swore up and down that he didn’t owe me anymore money. I showed him that he hadn’t paid me since before July 4th. Thank God he puts the dates on all his checks. But now he has to find my timecard. :P

I don’t know what I feel this morning. I am frustrated, worried, aggravated, and so many other things, all rolled into one big knot. Let me start at the beginning. I woke with my alarm at 6:30 with the bedroom light still on, and me alone in the bed. It scared me, so I sat up like a shot, jumped out of bed and went looking for Tom. All the lights were out as I came up the stairs so my heart started racing even faster. As I came into the living room I saw that no one was at the computer so I panicked and called out his name. Tom was in the kitchen. He had fallen asleep at the computer again, and just woken up when he heard the alarms go off. This of course is not good. He already has a bad headache, and as we all know headache=dizzy. He has to go back to work tonight, if he misses work tonight he won’t get paid for yesterday. And him sleeping now messes up our plans for today. James has a Doctors appointment today to re-check his strep throat and lymph nodes, we were going to go together, and then hit my dad up for the money he owes me. Plus I really need to go to Carson Newman and see about getting into an easier Math class. The College Math for Education Majors sounds right up my alley. I hope I can do all that dragging Thomas and James around all day. Maybe I can bring them up to Ellie’s for a bit…I’ll call her after James appointment, see if she’ll come own, the house is clean, she might. And I still have Algebra homework that Tom was going to help me with today, just to see if I could do it, and if I can’t drop the class, it’s due tomorrow… Ah well, so much to do, so little time. I should go and get working, stop my procrastination.

My dream washer and dryer, sigh.

Today is so lazy. I know I should do something, I just don’t want to. Something about the fact that it’s a holiday maybe. At least we got all of the recycling out and up plus I’ve gotten almost all of the laundry done. That is an accomplishment!

De is here for the afternoon. She was here for almost an hour before the fighting started. Now they have all separated, and are doing their own thing. She has changed a lot at Mom’s house, her personality, but she still can’t share with her siblings, strangers are ok, but not siblings. She always seems to want everything for herself, and anytime she is here for any length of time she reverts back to her old ways. You can see the difference when she first comes, but as time goes on, she slowly goes back…. I don’t know what to do to keep her the way she is when she first gets here, or how others see her when she is not here. Mom said they got compliments on her behavior last night at the car dealership. She watched another little boy for several hours while Mom and Dad bought a car. (They traded in their car and Ade’s car for a new one.) They were there from 4:30 until 9:30and Mom said she watched this kid for like 2 hours, a toddler, while his parents were busy buying a car. Why can’t she be that good for me, or am I just blind to it? Am I just blind to the good kid she can be? Do I just see her bad qualities? Do I look for the things that annoy me? I wish I knew. I don’t want to think that, but I am afraid that maybe I do.

Good morning. Tis’ a beautiful morning! : D Last night was FANTASTIC!!!! We had great sex twice yesterday! I mean GREAT. I was screaming Tom’s name at 4 am this morning, not even thinking about waking the kids. I love have great sex but twice in one day is even better. The first time was once earlier in the afternoon, not able to scream, but good none the less.

Our day, yesterday, was a bit rough, but the night got much better. We spent the day cleaning the boys’ room and the living room. Then started on the kitchen. Felt good to get all that accomplished. After a delicious dinner that none of the kids liked, but Tom and me loved, we put the boys to bed. Liz wanted to play Mario Party 4. We started that at 9 and finished at close to 11, had a good time playing though. Mario Party is always a good time to be had by all: D. Then Tom and I were reading and watching I Love the 70’s and realize that Queer Eye was coming on at 2:30…. Had to see it! I absolutely LOVE that show! It is so hilarious! And Tom loves it too, so it’s fun to watch together. I hope Sherrie has seen it. I think she would love it too. 10pm on Tuesday nights on Bravo;) Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. www.bravo.com has more info. about it on there sight. Anyway…after that we went downstairs to read some more. I was still feeling a bit frisky so when the book was over at about 3 I started with Tom…. He can’t resist;). And OMG we had some fantastic foreplay and sex, you know the scream my name type. And we did much of it. We didn’t end up turning out the lights to go to bed until almost 5. Unfortunately for me, the boys were up at around 8:30, and one of us has to be responsible. So here I am, having coffee and watching the boys and PBS… At least I have the computer uninterrupted for a bit. We do have more work to do today, so I won’t get to be on much today. I was really hoping Sherrie would be on this morning, but no such luck. :(

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So my day started out good and got progressively worse. Ok, so today was the first day of classes. I was nervous, but once I got there, it was good. I really like the English teacher, seems like it will be a fun class. Algebra seems so hard. We took a little quiz, to see how we would do, and if we should really be in there. I couldn’t remember anything! Plus I was the last one done, and that made me late for my next class. It really sucked. The next class was cool; I liked the teacher, Intro. To Sec. Ed. Was interesting, he likes handouts. I will have to do 25 hours practicum for this class. After that class I had an hour until my next one, so I came home to see my guys :-) So I spent about 40 min with Thomas and Tom. Then back to class and my special ed class. Seems like an interesting enough class, and the prof. is likeable, however, this class also has 25 practicum hours that goes along with it. After that class, I went to BK and got a double cheeseburger and some onion rings, yummmmmm. And hung out until 6, when my last class of the day is, Psych 206. Like the prof. Interesting class, sounds to be a bit difficult homework wise, but we only meet once a week, so its a lot of homework. Another drawback….10 hours of practicum! When the hell am I going to find time to go to school, do homework, sub, do Girl Scouts, raise my kids, clean my house, cook dinner, do laundry, etc????????? I have 60 hours of unpaid work here!I am exhausted just thinking about it. Then I call the house and mom starts in on me about how much of a mes mine is. What am I going to do? I need help! We need money. I need a maid, a babysitter who won’t judge. Anyway, there was a really cute guy in my last class, John. He was nice, we talked some before and after class. He is going to be a High School History teacher. He was nice and we had a lot in common. It was really nice having a conversation like that with someone. I really like Psych anyway, and he and Kristin, will make it fun. He was behind me, she was beside. And for the first time all day I wasn’t the oldest one in the class. He let class out early tonight, we won’t normally be out until 10. But tonight he let us go at 7:45. I wanted to stay late. I didn’t want to come home and put the kids to bed. All in all it was a pretty great first day of school :D
I came home and mom did all this stuff, and she pionted out every little crumb she picked up. Which sucked, I really would have just liked to enjoy the fact that she picked up for me. Then she told me how Ellie was complaining about the house being a mess (the hypocritical bitch!) And how Ellie was going to make Tom bring the kids to her, because she didn’t want to watch them here. I wanted to call and cuss at her. Then Mom kept saying how much Thomas needed a bath, and how filthy he was, etc. Like I never bathe the kid. Hell he’s 4, he goes outside daily, he gets dirty! Oh well, the boys got a bath. The house is quiet now, all is good.

Today was orientation and registration. Got that over with, what a relief. It was ok. Orientation was pretty boring but not horrible. The lunch they provided was yummy. I then went to financial aide to make sure they had the money that they needed to have for me to be able to go there. Evidently, what I saw and how it is dispersed is different, so I need more money. I will have to take out a small student loanƒ¼. But they did give me an academic scholarship because of my GPA at KBC and other moneys, so that the money I have to borrow is less. I also found out that absolutely NONE of my credits from KBC would transfer over, because they were not yet accredited when I was there. So I am a lowly Freshman, instead of the Sophomore or even Junior I had hoped to be. I remember that when I was there they had the people through trying to see if they could be accredited. But evidentially, they got their accreditation after I graduated, so NONE of my previous course work counts!! ARRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! One or two bad things can make all the good things null.

Ok, on with my day; I registered and was done with that around 3, I called home, hoping to catch Tom before he left for work, and found him home and pissed. Ellie forgot she was going to baby-sit. She can be so unreliable. So he was late for work.

Ok, back to school. I decided, on that campus I am gonna lose a lot of weight! The buildings are too close together to drive but just far enough to give you a workout. Whew, and those hills, they don¡¦t look like much, but walking up them, sure worked up a sweat. Course it was pushing 90 today. So I went and got my parking tag, I¡¦ll need to give them my tag # when I get one, and my student ID, of course they were up 3 flights of stairs. After I did that I went to the bookstore and spent, OMG, $402.00 on books! I can¡¦t believe it!

All my classes are on MWF or some variation there of. I have one Wednesday night class. My classes are Writing & Literary Studies 1 MWF 11am, College Algebra 1 MWF 12pm, Intro. To Secondary Education MW 1pm, Survey of Persons with Exceptionalities MW 3pm, And Human Development thru the Lifespan W 6pm.

I am so terrified I can hardly stand it. I am so afraid of letting everyone down. It seems like so many people count on me and believe in me, but I am having such a hard time believing in myself. This is all so scary. What if I fail. I have to keep a 3.0 GA to keep the academic scholarship, what if I can¡¦t? When am I going to take care of my family? How are we going to have enough income to survive? I will have to find a part time job other than sub work to bring in some money, but then when will I see Tom? And the kids? Elizabeth is already responsible for so much, can she handle much more? Do you see why I am scared, why I am questioning the wisdom of this decision. This may be what I want to do, but is it right? It is in the long run, but it is hard to keep the long r

I just got back from dropping Elizabeth off to school. While there Mom asked me to stop by her room to give me something. Last night De wanted to buy mue some earrings for good luck, which I thought was really sweet. It was after that, when Mom said, "don't say anything about what I told you last night to anyone." I asked her why. She said the Team B teachers didn't want me to be hurt or upset by it! So not only did that bitch say something about me to Marilyn but to all the team B teachers, and God knows what other teachers! All over some lotion! It is so lucky that I already know these people (and that they really don't like her) and they like me. But think of the damage she could do to someone who doesn't know there way around! She is a damn bitch! I hope she gets fired, and I would like to be a part of it! Ok, I have vented. I feel better.

I need to get in a better frame of mind for my orientation in a little while. I'm about to be a college student again. :D Time to pick my classes, get my parking tag, pick up my books, get a student ID, etc. WOOOHOOOO. I'll let you know all abot it when I get home!

Ok, now that Luvie has made me such a beautiful new blog, I am going to have to blog more. I guess I should update the last week or two. So much has happened. I did get that app. into Carson Newman. I go to Orientation tomorrow! The Pell grant came through so I don't have to pay for it either! I am so excited. All that's left is to pick my classes. I will meet with the financial aide person and my advisor tomorrow also. I am all keyed up. So excited. I don't know what to do! I am actually going to be a TEACHER!

Speaking of which.... I subbed for Marilyn Dyer last week, on my birthday. There was an incident that I was involved in, that I didn't even know about until today! Apparently, during class someone was putting on lotion, I didn't know who and told the class "I don't know what smells or who has it but whatever it is put it away now." Apparently it was Ms. Carol, the aide for an autistic child. Well the bitch had the nerve to call Marilyn over the weekend and tell her that she "didn't like her choice of substitutes" I can't believe her shit! I asked mom to let Marilyn know that I didn't know that it was her putting on lotion, because I didn't until I had already said what I said. Mom came over a little while ago and told me that Marilyn said that Ms Carol said "She knew it was me putting on lotion and she did it on purpose just to embarrass me. And she really embarrassed me, all the kids were looking at me." Then she had the nerve to tell her "She was horrible to the ESL kid” I was not! But of course she doesn't say anything to me on Friday. The bitch. Marilyn told her I was subbing for her again on Thursday. :P To that she replied that she might have to have one of the other aides come in with Kayla. Not that she was in there or was any help to her at all anyway. I hope they soon see her for what she is and fire her.

Let's see, in other news.... Tom went back to work tonight. I miss him. It was so nice having him around. It really bites with him back to work. But we need the money, we need the money BAD!

I finally posted boobie pics at WWdN. I am so proud: D. Got lots of responses. Woohoo! I am being a big flirt and it's fun and I love it. I needed to make my life more interesting and it got that way in a BIG way!

Kim came down for a visit. She and Patrick are considering moving down here. That would be great!

Alora is going home finally after being here for the summer, it was good to be with her again, she is a good girl. And Julia is getting bigger. I can tolerate my SIL, Allison much better now. But she was only here for a few days.

See so much happening.

Ok, here's the new page layout, down so wonderfully by LUVLUV!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhh. The school year has started. The first day is over. Yesterday was great for Liz, so I am happy for her. She was so happy when she came home. She had a great day.

I got the information from Carson Newman in the mail today. I filled out all the forms. Now all I have to do is send them back and get myself some money to go there. I want to teach so badly, but I am so afraid to move forward. Staying inert is so much easier.I felt like a slug yesterday. I did nothing. I even took a nap. But I have to move forward now. The sooner I move forward with my life, the sooner my life will begin to improve. I must look forward. Onward and upward. I want to lay down and take a nap now, I am so tired, but I know I shouldn't, so I won't. I must do. Let me get off the computer and clean, mow the lawn, something! Moving will help wake me up. And moving forward will help disspell the fear.

Oh hell. Today was registration day for the girls. It was hectic. Not happy getting up that early. I only got 5 hours sleep. The girls decided to bicker over every little thing this morning. Why can't they just get along? They just kept bickering, and I have such a headache. And yesterday Tom and I were actually thinking about having De come back home, but I'm not sure with all the other stresses right now, that I could handle having her home all the time. She was here yesterday, and it was horrible. When she and Liz get together all they do is fight and argue. I get tears from each of them at least once a day. I wish I knew how to handle DeAnne better. She told is yesterday, that she didn't think we loved her. How can she feel that way when none of the other children feel that way. I try so hard to make sure I so each of them love and attention. It is just never enough for her. I feel so inadequate as a parent with her.

Yesterday Ellie came over and got Tom depressed, which upsets me. She is so down on him, has absolutly no faith in her son. I want so much for him to go back to school and do something with his brain, and he is trying to decide what he wants to do, he tells his mother and she downs him. Why can't she just be supportive? Speaking of Tom, he should have had enough rest by now, (bad night last night so I let him sleep) I better go get him up... Later :)

Ok, so much has happened over the last few days!

Took the kids to the zoo on Saturday. Liz, De, Thomas, James, & even Alora. Had a great time, it was quite a trip. We haven't been to the zoo in soo long. It was a wonderful time. Then we decided to go out to eat afterwards, just to Golden Corral. It was there I discovered that my wallet was gone, missing, nowhere on my person. I had it at the Bunny exhibit because I bought something and put all my cash in it from my pockets. Then we went to the petting zoo, and it was unattended in the stroller under the diaper bag and the gift that I bought at the bunny exhibit, but still unattended. That is the only place I can imagine that it could have gotten stolen. I called the zoo, and it hasn't been turned in. So I spent Monday at the bank, calling credit card companies, etc. trying to take care of it. I think my major problem is it had all my pictures of Monica in it. Those I can't replace.I wish someone would turn it in. Also my last paycheck got stolen, so I had Dad put a stop on it.

We went to the county fair last night. Not horrible, but more for teenagers. I don't much care for it since I didn't ride any rides and just had to talk to Ellie. The girls had a good time though. We didn't leave until after 11, Ellie disappeared and we couldn't find her, kept looking for her. Then once we got home, the girls were up until 1. They kept asking me, facts of life questions, so as a dutiful mother (and Aunt) I answered. I hope Theresa doesn't get angry at some of the things I informed her child of. Oh well, at least she learned from me, not behind the school, or in an alley.

All the girls are at Moms now, Thomas too, swimming. I have to pick them up before dinner. Tom is rotissing a chicken, yum yum. So the house is quiet.

Shit, Tom read what I wrote at Wil about the Blog thing. Now I feel guilty. Shit. Guess I don't post what I don't want him to read. Got to censor myself more, maybe start a new Blog too. Shit.

Wow. Today was the end of an era. My last day working for Dad. It doesn't seem like it. It doesn't feel like the end. Oh well come Monday, and I have no job to go to it will. Today was such a long day. I had to get up extra early and help Mom with her yard sale so she could go to work, then I went to work when she got off. So I worked from 12:30 until 4:30, then Mom picked me up for the Deanery board meeting. It was a good meeting, but we didn't get back to my car until 8:30. Then Jerry showed up and we talked for awhile. So I didn't leave the store until 9:30 and get home until almost 10. I was worn out, I walked in the house and got naked. It felt good to have no clothes on. Had good conversation with Mom in the car. I like riding with her, we always get more talked about in the car than any other time, always has been that way. Tom is long in bed. He took a sleeping pill, but I couldn't sleep. I am finally winding down, I think I can sleep now.

I hope so, I am gonna need all the rest I can get for our little trip to the zoo tomorrow. At this point in time it's me, Tom and 5 kids, if Tom is feeling up to it. If he isn't I only lose 1 kid and him. I sure hope he is still feeling ok in the morning. Hell I'm gonna be exhausted if I don't get to bed soon! The zoo will be fun. Thomas, Alora and James have never been, and it's been awhile for Liz and De, me and Tom too for that matter. I can't wait! Oh well, off to bed, so I can rest up for our trip. Night night. I'll fill you in tomorrow :D

Longhand Blog 7/30/03

I am really hurt. I was informed, luckily early, that Gerald was taking Dad, Jerry and Cindy out to lunch. Not me, cause I won’t be working here anymore. Now I know what that conversation I over-heard yesterday was about. It really hurts that Dad is so happy to see me go. I guess I just want to know he’ll miss me and need me, not that I am so easily replaced and put aside. The lunch thing with Gerald bothers me because Gerald is my favorite rep. I really like him, and Dad blew me out of it yesterday. Oh well, I think I blew me out of it today. They all just left for lunch and I was working on the computer, Dad said something about the four of us going, but I was mad at him and not really paying attention. I’m not sure if he meant Gerald and the 3 of them or all 4 of us. (I found out today that I was not included and I was never meant to be included.) Anyway, I was entering some information into the computer and they just left so I guess I wasn’t included. I don’t want to cry over this but I am. It’s just stupid lunch. But why does it matter so much to me? I was so looking forward to seeing Gerald one last time. I hate being treated like a nobody who doesn’t matter to anybody!

Now I am REALLY GLAD I brought the cookies with me. It’s 3:30 and they are still not back from lunch yet!!!!! This so sucks!!!!!! (They finally got back at 4:40, they were gone from 1:20)

Oh well we did have some people in while they were gone so at least I am being useful! But mostly I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself doing nothing. I feel a little better, I deleted some boobie pics off of his computer. :P Serves him right.

When I got to Mom’s to pick up the kids she needed to talk to me. She thinks I resent her for something. I don’t know what. I don’t think I have been cold towards her, but she says I have. I don’t know, I guess I have to try to be better. She had some good suggestions once we got some of the things that were bothering her and me out of the way. She thinks I should go ahead and start school now, and work a full time job, if Tom is home it can be done, even if he is not, she can watch the boys after school. I really should do it now. It will take at least 3 years to get the degree that I want, but once I do, I can work anywhere I want to. I’ll have to call the schools, get the financial aid info, etc., and do it fast. More later.

Well, 3 days and counting..... I think Dad is excited and happy about me leaving :( I should be happier, but I'm not. I think I'm just scared. I want another job, but now with the school's thing possibly not being permanant, only substitute work, I'm afraid. I don't want my friendship with Cindy to end either. I really like her and we are so much alike, we have so much in common. I really like working with her, and with Jerry, but not with Dad. They make the job worthwhile, but I can't stay. I need to move on. I will have to go to the Board of Ed and talk to Debbie Berry about a teaching assistants job. Otherwise I really am going to need to find a permanant job, no matter how much I want to teach, subbing income won't be stable enough with Tom not working. More to contiplate on. Where can I find a decent job, in this little town, that I won't hate? hmmmmm. Crap.

I am so anxious for contractors to get back with us! I can't wait! I need to be patient. I don't even know if we can get the money we need to do this project yet. soon enough we will know.

We are know officially out of contact with Tony and Sherrie, they have moved and have no phone available and no internet conection, so I am dying to talk to her! I had gotten used to calling on my way home in the afternoons. Oh well, soon they will be settled and will start saving money for the move down here :D Though now I here it won't be a permanent move :*( Seems they will only be moving for a few months at first, then go back, help Barb more, then maybe come back again. I don't know. That makes me sad.

I am happy. Liz will be home from here stay in Marthas Vineyard on Friday,w00t! And DeAnne will be home from camp on friday afternoon. all the kids will be home, maybe not so good, lol. My vacation is over. Liz wants to do back to school shopping, but I don't know how much her budget will be. And Tom is no help what so ever. I need to know what to let her spend.

I am going to miss Jerry and Cindy when I leave, maybe even Daddy, doubtfully, but maybe. I really like Cindy. She is alot like me :) I hope we can stay friends and continue to build our relationship.

Ok, alot happened yesterday but I was just too tired to stay up and wait my trn at the computer to let you know.

We saw our first contractor yesterday afternoon. He was very nice (kinda cute too, nice eyes), didn't seem to think what we wanted would be incredibly hard or cost an extrordiary amount of money, a bonus on both points. PLus he can get to us fairly soon. So we don't have to wait forever. He'll have an estimate and timeline on how long the job will take and what they will do when, for us in a few days. The second contractor comes over today at 5:30. I am getting really excited about this project!

I had a great day at work. I really like the new woman that dad hired. Much better than Mary! Her name is Cindy and she's not nuts! I hope she works out. All the stuff we were throwing at her yesterday I sure was a bit overwhelming.

I was surprised when I came home. My darling husband mopped our nasty kitchen floor! It made me so happy to see white tiles again :) Plus he showered and shaved off his beard! I like him with the clean shaven look:) But he doesn't like to shave, sensititve skin, razor burn and all.

So all in all yesterday was good. I'll try to post tonight after we meet with the other contractor, let you know how it went.

Yes at times like these I wish I knew how to type without looking at the keys. I am sitting at the computer, in the dark, trying to type this by the light of the screen. Bear with me.

I can't believe I am still up either. I know it's unlike me. It must be the stress or the depression or something. I don't know what.

I am excited because we have our first contractor over tomorrow afternoon to give us an estimate on the work we want done on the house.

I'm depressed because the house is such a mess and I don't want anyone to see it. It's so cluttered, I just wat to throw things away, but it seems like such a waste to do that. I have such a hard time getting anyone to help me keep it clean that it's driving me insane! It's good to talk to Sherrie, then I at least get some of these feelings out.

I am so screwed up. Maybe it's just that so many good things have been happening to me lately and I feel guilty because Tom is having such a rough time. Work has been going good. Dad hired a new girl, Cindy, she starts in the morning. I like her, I hope she'll work out. The house stuff is moving forward. I've been getting things accomplished. Dad and I aren't fighting anymore. But the better I am, the worse Tom seems to be. I don't know what to do. I wish he would call a shrink.

So, why if things are going well am I up at 5 am? Why have I been up til at least 3 for the last three days? What is wrong with me? I was in bed. It felt wrong. I didn't feel right laying next to Tom. Guilty. I don't know why, maybe for coming to bed so late. I decided, what the hell, I'm up, I'll Blog, get dressed, then catch a cat nap on the couch til 8 when I have to get up anyway. I wanted to clean, but I'm afraid I'll make too much noise and wake someone up. Well I'm not making any noise except the tapping of the keys, and Thomas just walked out and decided to settle himself on the sofa! So maybe I won't catch that cat nap.

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	48.3% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	64.6%
Shamelessness	47.6% Puts 'em on the glass	79.1%
Sex Drive	47.4% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!	77.3%
Straightness	1.8% Knows the other body type like a map	44.4%
Gayness	58.9% Had that experience at camp	82.8%
Fucking Sick	84.1% Refreshingly normal	89.6%
You are 51.41% pure Average Score: 72.2%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

I must say, so much has gone on. I should have posted more. Dad and I have made up. We talked, he didn't realize he was treating me so badly and that was the reason I was avoiding him, and going to work, and ever since he has been great. I was so happy he even fixed the air conditioning yesterday, for me! Jerry told me that when he came to work dad said "Lets make Monica happy today, lets fix the AC." I was flabergasted when Jerry told me. But it made me feel really good, the perfect end to a perfect day. Yesterday was GREAT!!!!! The best day I've had in quite awhile.... No the OMG fantastic sex last night was the perfect end, but I digress.

We got some, new to us, furniture from Tronda. And re-arranged the living room, and Elizabeths room. We have to go work on De's room/the children's den. Liz put all her stuff in there and we partly took apart the bed, so it's a mess again, I'll have to go clean it. After Liz gets all her crap out.

2 of the 3 contractors that I have called, have called me back. One is coming Monday, the other is coming Tuesday. To give us an estimate on the remodeling work that we want done. I think if we can manage to get the money, it will be great! The problem is that we've been late with the mortgage by 3 months twice in the last year. That is not going to look good to the bank. I think even if I can't get the extra money from refinancing I my take out a home improvrement loan or some such. I really want to do this. I have my heart set now, which is gonna make it really hard if it doesn't work out.

More later, gotta get ready for work.

I feel so work lazy I have worked a total of 2 hours this week. But truthfully, I really don't care. Soon my job there will be done! So much has happened since I last posted, I don't know where to start. Ok I guess I'll start with what's most on my mind.
In yesterday's paper was an announcement that the school board was cutting 32 of 38 teaching assistant positions for next year. This kind of kills my job opportunity for the school year, at least a permanent position. The best I can do I guess is do my best to sub as much as possible. Begin filling my calendar before school starts and go from there. I don't want to stay with Daddy, but now I'm kinda scared not to. I just have to keep my confidence up, stick to my guns and not go back to Daddy.
Monday was bad but good. Mom upset me, De upset me, and nothing went right. Tom was horrible; Dr. Merwin was out of town. The only good thing that happened was that we got our income tax check in the mail. We got to deposit over $5000 so that was a good thing. I ran lots of errands.
Yesterday we went shopping, went to the pawn shop, they were having a clearance sale :). We got a GameCube & 2 controllers for $60 and a PS2 for $80 and Grand Theft Auto 3 for $10 Q-Bert for $5, got Thomas a couple of videos for $2 each, a memory card for each system PS2 was $18 Cube was $7.50 I think we made out well. Then we went to Wal-Mart and did b-day shopping for De. We also got Mario Party 4 :D wooohoooo!!!! Then we went out to dinner, and as soon as we sat down, Liz calls, Lake & Ann had just dropped her off, where are we, so I drove home and got her, and drove back to Tom and the boys. While I was driving, Mom calls, Tronda is getting rid of some furniture, and do I want it. Hell Yeah! I know it's got to be in good condition, we just have to go get it. A couch, chair, ottoman, console TV, bedroom set, that's it I think. So Liz will get a new bedroom set, we'll a new couch and chair either upstairs or down, the "kids Den" will get better than a 13" TV. I think we'll make out well.
So yesterday was good. I stayed up until after 5 in the morning! OMG! Can you believe it!?! We went to bed at around 4:30 but I just couldn't sleep. We had a good day. It was nice.
Sherrie and I were on the phone for over 2 hours then got on the computer and IM'd. It was so cool. It was so good to talk to her for so long. I miss her. But talking to her so much lately has made the stress so much easier to handle. Made dealing with mother so much less of an ordeal. Made me stop thinking about taking De back and never speaking to my parents again! Ok, I know I couldn't do that, but sometimes I think it would be nice!
I'm trying to pick a new av. for WWdN I just don't know what to pick. It's a much harder decision than I thought. If I knew what I wanted it might help. But I don't even have a theme in mind. There are so many out there, but I see that I have had the peaches for so long and I don't want to go too radical. I also figure it won't get changed for awhile.

So much has happened, too much going on, post details later..... Talked to Luv, it was Good :)

It’s Tuesday, Tom didn’t go to work yesterday or today. I didn’t go to work, today. We called Dr. Merwin. He called in a couple of meds for Tom. I hope they help. I also picked up some more nose spray. Hopefully all this will help Tom feel well enough to go to work tomorrow.

I went to look at that farmhouse and property with Mom yesterday. NO WAY IN HELL!!!! It was beautiful property, but the house was uninhabitable. It would have had to been torn down. The barn was in better condition. The land was beautiful but it was too far out in the wrong direction. The problem now is, Mom is trying to get me to look at houses in the Knox county direction, and I don’t want to move to Knox County. I think. At least I don’t think I do. I’d really have to think about it long and hard. I like living in small town, I’m not sure I want to move to bigger town. Besides, there is Tony and Sherrie to think about. They will be coming soon, and if we move, we have to find somewhere for all of us, that we are all willing to go, at least for a little while. I still want them to live with us no matter what. Maybe we should just concentrate on making this house better and not worry about moving anywhere else right now.

James is fighting taking a nap lately. Yesterday he didn’t fall asleep until almost 5 and today it’s 4:45, he’s been down since 1:45, and I give up. Let him go to bed early! And what is with this age and being naked?!? All he seems to want is to be naked when he’s in bed. Not when he’s up, just when he’s in bed.

Well, As you can see the page is different :-) Cool huh. I chose a new template; I was very tired of kitties. Never really liked them anyway, I just wanted the link and e-mail me features. Anyway, I found another template with those features that I liked the layout and set-up of better and was messing with it last night when Tom came home from work and was complaining that I didn’t really like the colors, and he was like "oh well that's easy to change." Well I didn't know that! I feel like an idiot, but we tinkered for awhile, ok closer to an hour and a half, lol (almost 2 hours). But I got close to the colors I want, and I know how to do it myself for future reference. :-D I was so happy to figure out some of the code stuff it was cool. Course some I didn't get figured out but it was 1:30 in the morning and I was exhausted. Maybe I'll tinker some more later. I have been working around the house on and off today, so not on the computer much, but I had to put this in my Blog.

Tonight is the International Dinner at church, I am making something totally different, and something I am not even sure I will like. I am making Keilbsa and cabbage. I decided to go with Tom's Polish heritage for a Nationality since everyone always seems to make Italian. I wanted to make something different. Plus it's a crock pot recipe, so it's easy, and it smells yummy.

DeAnne came home for a bit today while we were out shopping for the cabbage and keilbasa. She hurt Elizabeth very badly when we got home. Liz takes it very much to heart that De doesn't want to come home and doesn't want to live here. We are trying to point out to her that it's not Liz she doesn't love or want to be with, it's the responsibility and rules, etc. that comes with being here that she doesn't want. We asked her to wait outside and keep an eye on the boys because Liz was crying in the kitchen and we were trying to talk to her, so De storms out "This is why I hate living here” Oh well Mom is working on her. I wish there was something we could do, but I really don't want the turmoil she causes.

Anyway, gotta get back to cleaning. Computer desk next. Keeping Messenger on if anyone wants to distract me LOL :-D

Today was a FANTASTIC DAY!!!!!!! I'm excited.
I asked Mom to go with me to look at the farm that Jerrys dad wants to sell, she will. We are going Monday. She is also willing to help with $ if need be, to buy it and keep this house to use as a rental. Very good.
Got good news from the IRS today, our tax return will be mailed next Friday, FINALLY!!!!
Went grocery shopping with the kids, and they even behaved!
They all ate dinner without complaint.
The boys went to bed without a problem.
Tom put his name on a job posting at work, for a day job, in the office :-D.
I was accepted to the WWdN Blog ring.

Today has just been so great. I am sooooooo happy. It has been a wonderful day! I haven't had this good a day in a long time!

I am mad at Tom. We had a talk and I told him he had to come to bed by 2 am because this staying up at the computer til he fell asleep was not healthy and since I had to get up and leave in the morning he needed to be up with the boys. The previous night he had fallen asleep at the computer and didn't come to bed until 5. Last night I went to bed at 1:45, I told him to Blog, since I knew he wanted to, and come to bed since it was almost 2. I woke up at 3:30 to pee and he still wasnt in bed, since I had to come upstairs to pee (no paper in the basement) I discovered that he was still at the computer. ARGH. And this morning I looked and he hasn't even Blogged, what he said he wanted to do anyway! I was so mad last night I wouldn't even let him touch me in bed. He came down about 3:45. I was still mad and awake, also allergies were keeping me up. Sigh. What am I supposed to do. His dizziness is worse when he doesn't get enough rest, but when he stays up til 4am and has to get up at 9 so I can go to work, what am I supposed to do??? ARRRRGGHHHH!!!!

Today has been ok, except for the fact that I am missing a lens out of my glasses. I have no clue what happened to it. It must have happened yesterday while I napped. Before that both lenses were in the glasses, and I never touched them until this morning. Tom noticed it last night while he was on the computer. I’m guessing a child had them and Liz put them on the desk, but where the other lens is, is a mystery.

Mary was at work yesterday and today. Though mom said last night she doesn’t think Mary will work out. I’m not sure why she said it, must be something dad said. I think it’s because she is too smart and she speaks her mind. She was telling me some of the things I missed yesterday. I had to laugh. If she lasts she’ll learn he’s not listening anyway. Plus he is too set in his ways to change.

Liz is so upset. DeAnne was very cruel to her today at mom & dads. Jerry brought his daughter over to go swimming with my girls, and unfortunately, they played odd man out with Liz and De was very cruel. Hurt Liz a lot. I feel bad for Liz. I remember how much it hurt when Ade and Trish did it to me. Plus De was showing off. They invented a secret handshake and a code so they could keep Liz out of it. I wanted to cry for her. I wanted to beat DeAnne to a pulp. I wanted to hold Liz while she cried (but I was driving home). I told Liz we’d get pizza for dinner to help her feel better ;-) Hey with a bowl of ice cream afterwards, the perfect feel better meal!

And Today:

Tom went to see Dr. Merwin this morning; I drove, so I did not go to work. I just left a message on the machine, so I have no clue how pissed he was that I didn’t come in.

Dr. Merwin has the Short-Term Disability papers and will send them back to us. I hope we get that money soon. I know, of course, it will be 6-8 weeks before we see anything.

Mom had the kids until about 2:45, De is still there “getting her room ready” That still makes me feel like I have a big rock in my stomach. But I know this is in DeAnne’s best interest. Hell it’s in the best interest of all the kids. I know she is better off with Mom, that things will be better here at home with here not here. It is so much quieter without her, and Thomas is nicer to James when she and Liz aren’t fighting all the time.

Anyway, back to Dr. Merwin, cleaned out his nose, told him to use the nasal spray, which Tom hates, offered to give him more time off, which we can’t afford. But anyway, we go back in one month. So Tom is back to work. :-( I miss him.

Notes from the weekend:

OK, so it was a VERY eventful weekend! I will try to give an abbreviated version so as not to take too long to type this. Both girls came home Saturday morning. They started fighting the minute they saw each other…I am not exaggerating! I walked in the door with Liz and they started bickering. I hate that crap!

Well I finally decided to ask my Mom about De living with them on a semi-permanent basis. It took me until Sunday afternoon to get up he courage, but I did it. And well they are getting her room ready. I thought for sure my dad would say no way, but he said fine. Shocked me, I’m not sure I was ready for it. De will stay with Mom and Dad Monday through Friday and come home Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This way she’ll be here while there are two adults here to deal with her, that helps me a lot. She is all for this idea.

I talked to Sherrie on Saturday and Sunday, phone :-D wooohoooo. I love hearing her voice! Anyway, we figured we would make De’s room a Child’s Den when she’s gone and her room on weekends. This way we get the toys out of the basement, and can get it ready for Tony and Sherrie to move in. Though I get the feeling the Tony doesn’t really want to that. I think he wants to come down and start off in there own place. He didn’t say that, but I just get that feeling from him. I want so much for Tony and Sherrie to live with us. I know they want there own place, but I miss them sooo much, I want them here. I want them in my house for awhile. I hope it works out. They are looking at coming down for a visit in July/August; and for good, by the first of the year. I hope they can save the money. I know that we could do it, but I know that Tony is very much an instant gratification type person, so I wonder if he can save. I REALLY hope so. Sherrie, Tom and I want this so bad we can taste it, but I wonder how much Tony really wants it. I’m sure Sherrie and I want it more than even Tom, but I hope the three of us can want it enough for it to happen.

OK Don't have the Blog from the 12th but here is FRIDAY JUNE 13th longhand Blog:

I am so bad. After yesterday's fiasco (my fight with Dad and leaving at 1) I got to work at noon because I wanted to be here as little as possible. Dad left at 12:30, but as still back by 2:30. Mary still hasn’t shown up. She’s called in every afternoon with some excuse or another. At least he’s giving Mary another chance. Maybe her coming back will make work more bearable. Dad has a sign on the door looking for office help. I want to get someone trained ASAP so I can leave & not feel guilty.

I was kinda peeved when Jerry told me that dad told him I left early yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well :P I’m not feeling well now! Probably that sandwich from 2 days ago that I just ate. I’m still hungry though.

Good golly it’s hot in here, he needs to turn on the AC. I think I’ll let Tom turn on the AC at home too. It’s just that our electric bill has been so high lately.

I am irritated with Dad for all the little things. Plus he keeps promising me he’ll do stuff at my house: Jerry will do stuff, but it never happens. Jerry has been to Trish’s house 14 times! He’s been to my house twice, I think. I bought all the stuff to move my washer and dryer (not that I could tell you where it is right now) 6 months ago, have they been moved? NO of course not! Dad is paying Jerry $12 an hour to build 2x4 shelves for Trish’s garage. Did he promise my kids swings 5 years ago? Is it built? He paid Jerry to hang Trish’s hanging baskets, but have my French drain been dug, that he promised me would be done?

I talked to mom this morning on my way to work, she thinks it’s because I am doing to him what she did so many years ago….start subbing then leaving him.

Becoming a brainless drone is hard when you are an intelligent woman. I keep repeating over and over “it’s not my place, it’s not my place” or “it’s none of my business, it’s none of my business”. This is what he said to me during our fight yesterday. That the service side of the business was “None of my business and it wasn’t my place to ask questions.”! But don’t get me started on that again!

I am trying to stay one step ahead of him; anticipate what he’ll want/need, do what he wants before he asks, but still I am getting nowhere. Jerry smiled and gave me thumbs up when I had already done what Daddy asked. (It just seems to annoy Dad that I am doing what he wants before he asks) It’s like Jerry is afraid to speak too. We whisper to each other behind dad’s back. It’s stupid & almost unbearable. It’s hard not to talk. The silence is hanging heavy in the air. We are not speaking to each other at all, not small talk; not work talk, no niceties, nothing. It’s like a curtain of silence has fallen. It’s miserable.

I will call Debbie Berry (Director of Special Education) as soon as John leaves again. (He never did, so I never could). I will ask about a job at Food Lion when I go shopping later (never went shopping) I am sooo tired of all the tension in the pit of my stomach & no that isn’t hunger :-)

And that damndable inbox is EMPTY!!!!!! Of course now my desk has 3 ft of shit piled on it, but hey, now he can quit bitchin about that fucking inbox!!!

I wish Tom and I could be alone tonight. The girls will be gone; maybe we can put the boys to bed early! I just wish we could go out…. It doesn’t help that I am REALLY hungry right now!

Well home at last and we closed the windows and turned on the AC. Tom and I had a nice night, we played Trivial Pursuit, which took 4 hours, but I finally won. Stupid yellow and brown questions. All in all it was a great night.