I feel so down this afternoon. Tom and I got into a fight this morning before I left for school, Thomas decided to make popcorn while everyone was asleep and burned it yet he kept trying, on EVERY bag of microwave popcorn in the house, and on top of that I didn't have a very good day at school,...late for English, had a test I wasn't prepared for, spilled my coffee on the floor before I got a sip of it, everyone is out of my cigarettes, Tony and Sherrie are both sick, everything seems to happen at once.

When I came home Tom was playing Diablo and when I tried to come over and love up to him and talk to him, it just seemed like he was more interested in his game than in me. I was stroking his face and standing next to him, and he did say "I love you" but he didn't even look at me when he said it, just kept playing his game. I hate that stupid game. So now I am kinda down and not able to concentrate, I have work to do but just want to lay around sulk.

I really don't know if it's a lack of food and caffeine and nicotine today, or if it's what happened with Tom this morning, or what it is, I just wish it would go away.

Mom wants me and Sherrie to come to a Stampin' Up party with her this evening, but I am too depressed right now, and Sherrie is probably too sick, but Mom is guilting me. I hate that! Mom is giving me grief ever since she found out about Tony and Sherrie actually coming down. She is afraid we will get taken advantage of, and won't be able to afford all these people in the house. And now I've had to borrow money from her because of the plumbing problem, so it's even worse!

We have a water leak and it's in the lawn, between meter and the house, called the plumber Friday and he was supposed to come back yesterday, but couldn't and said he would be here today, if it wasn't raining or snowing...and guess what, it's snowing! The one day I don't want snow and guess what we have. I wish this stupid plumbing would fix itself. We have to dig up our lawn, cut the sheet-rock in our bedroom, and go without water until it's fixed. We aren't without now, but once he starts, we'll be without until it's fixed. We should turn it off so it won't kill our water bill, but with 8 people in the house, it can't be helped.

So it makes sense why I am feeling down.

Ah, it's been a long week. I haven't had a whole lot of time, and no computer time that wasn't spent doing school work. I am on the computer at school tonight because I am avoiding going home. I KNOW ellie is not there with the kids yet, and I REALLY am not wanting to deal with her. I am just waiting until I'm pretty sure she has them home and hopefully in bed. Shouldn't be too much longer now. The Art Appreciation teacher lets out way too early. I would think this is good most of the time, but not when I want to relax, not deal with kids. It does give me extra time to spend at the library doing homework from other classes, which is what I have been doing until now. I am finished with all computer aided work...I think. The rest of the crap is reading. So much damn reading this time! Oh well, that's what I get for taking 6 classes. Wouldn't ya know it. I like my classes, and all my teachers. I think the sexy Art teacher is going to be the biggest pain though. He wants major participation, and no one wants to put themselves on the line and offer an opinion. Of course me and some of the older students don't care, but this is a huge class with only a few old ladies doing the talking.

I hope Sher isn't avoiding me. I think I am just paranoid, but it seems like whenever I call, no one answers. I know they aren't out or sleeping ALL the time. I called today just between classes to chat for a few, and no one was home, anytime I called. I hope I'm not getting on their nerves. My insecurity is really showing now. I think part of that is not knowing anybody again this semester. It sucks to start to get to know people then change all your classes and know no-one again, especially when you are the oldest in all your classes and don't really fit in. Dr. Carpenter (English) thinks I should write an article about that for the school paper. I thin I might, but that is a scary proposition too. It's been a long time since I have written for a school paper, or anything for a paper other than a press release! Anybody have any thoughts on that?


I feel fat lately. I hope I'm not gaining back any of the weight I have lost. That would suck! I have just had those "I feel fat" days for the past couple of days. Maybe it's because I have been eating more junk, and not eating on a regular schedule. It could be because I have been depressed and frustrated and feeling at wits end lately. There is so much I want to accomplish and sometimes it seems like no one is there to help me with my burden. Tom has been dizzy ALOT lately and I want so much to help him, but I can't do anything for him and that makes me feel helpless. School is going to be harder and more time consuming this semester, and I have to do that on my own. The house always looks like a tornado hit it, and no one seems to care but me, and I just don't have time to do anything about it. I have to get De's room empty again, but the thought of going in there makes me want to cry. It's just not a one person job, and no one seems to care about it but me...maybe De, but she doesn't want to help me because its "not my stuff, it's the boys stuff" I can understand that, but with help, I could get it done. Elizabeth is becoming more of the insolent teenager, refusing to do what she's asked, talking back, being a snot nose, being uncooperative. It's like pulling teeth to get her to do anything, and then she complains and mumbles the entire time she's doing it.

Ok, I had better stop now, I didn't intend this to be the poor me tirade it turned into.

Well, I found out those oh so nummy Halvah bars weren't for me but for my dad, so he only gets two, cause one is already gone. But it's ok, I found an online source, cheap and oh so worth it.

Went to Tom's parents house for his dad's 65th birthday last night, and Ellie was of course late getting dinner out, but she has NEVER been that late before. We didn't sit down until after 7:30. So of course with dinner and dessert (the birthday cake that wasn't yet iced) we didn't get home until almost 11. We left because Ellie was getting really touchy and annoyed with the kids. Good dinner though. She really needs to learn how to cook broccoli though. She always overcooks it.

Anyway. I hate it when Sherrie is right. Last night when Tom and I went to bed, about 3, we had sex. Just like Sher predicted. Fantastic sex that we weren't planning on. Hell I wasn't in the mood and I've been sore for 2 days or so, so I sure as hell wasn't planning it. I just wanted to go to bed. It was almost 5 before we finished and went to bed. Plus Tom slept naked with me! I love that!Course kids were up way to early, but De got up and yelled at them. :sigh: Oh well, Tom and I got to sleep a bit later anyway. Now I just have to get him up and over to his dads to get wood. Patrick has already said he would help. I just hope he's not dizzy today.

I love my sister! The FedEx guy was just here delivering a package from Ade, I expected an envelope, being that it's just a check. But it was kinda heavy large envelope and the stuff inside moved around, so I knew it wasn't just packaging to make it look bigger. Not only did she send me more money than I need, but she sent me 3 count them 1,2,3 Halvah bars!!!!! 1 chocolate covered, 1 original, and 1 marble. I'm saving the marble for last. The chocolate covered is already gone. I haven't had these in soooo long! I love them! Hell I think I've only had them once maybe twice since we left Jersey. I have great memories of Dad sharing them, cutting off thin slices of this delicious candy. Plus I discovered that the company that made these (Joyva) sells them over the internet by the box! I have a supplier for my addiction now! They are low in fat, sugars, and carbs, yet oh so delicious! God this is good candy. I am going to try and make it last, but I don't know how well I'm gonna do on that. Hell one is already gone! I LOVE these things! nummy, nummy.

I am tired but De let me sleep late. I hate doing that to her, but it's so easy just to let her get up with the boys when she's here. And I have been so incredibly tired lately. She is here today, but we don't exactly know why. She came yesterday, and spent the night, but she didn't know why and I don't know why. Not that I mind, it just wasn't expected. She caused a lot of turmoil yesterday, until the boys were in bed and Liz was at a friends house. Then she was an angel. She can be so mean one minute and sweet the next. Ah well. I need coffee. See ya later.

And the scary part is that the description really does fit me.

You are Marijuana!

Laid back, dreamy, and maybe a little stinky from skipping a shower.

You rather hang out on the couch watching That 70s Show than go clubbing.

All you need is a big joint, TV, and some Twinkies covered in chocolate syrup!



What Drug Are You?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Ok. Back at school once again. Looks like this semester is going to be a lot harder than last semester. Harder classes, harder teachers, Much longer days, at least on Thursdays. Oh well, this is what I wanted.

Tom has been dizzy for 2 days now, and thus has missed 2 days of work. Never a good thing.

Computer is FUBAR again! Now not only do I have to do all my work on the computers at school because that one doesn't have Word, but we may not have that one at all! Looks like we need a new one, if we can figure out how to afford it. Plus one of my professors insists that everything turned in be typed, so looks like I will be spending a lot of time at the library. I have no clue how I am going to do that! Ah well, such are the joys of computer ownership.

James won't stay in his own damn bed. Every night once Tom and I have gone to bed, here comes James. And he's so quiet that you don't hear him coming in time to head him off. I put him back to bed twice last night before I said fuck it and let him sleep with us. By that time it was 3. Such are the joys of parenthood.

Well I called Ade and told her I needed the money, so I will be calling her again later tonight with the amount, she'll overnight it to me tomorrow. So mortgage will be paid Saturday or Monday. What a relief. I need to sit down again and come up with a budget to make sure all bills get paid on time, so we know how much money we have and where it's going. Put that at the top of the 'To Do' list.

I am going to head home to see my rugrats before bed, cause I know Ellie hasn't gotten the boys in bed yet. But at least I have internet access at school. Maybe Tom can figure out the problem when he feels better.

You are a slave


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Ok, more from the home front. I guess the day got somewhat better. Tom let me sleep all day while he cleaned! So I woke to a clean living room and hallway, and part of the kitchen. That's what I like to wake up to. :D I've been trying to be productive to at least some degree now that the migraine has subsided into just a killer headache. Laundry is being done like crazy, picked up the disaster my boys call a bedroom, washed some dishes, so my day wasn't a complete loss.

I also got registered for all my classes. I had to change one of them to a Monday night class, but I will be home by 3 on Tuesday's now. Unfortunately I will be at school until 9:30 on Thursdays. My schedule is as follows:Mondays 6-9p.m. Intro to Old Testament, Tues & Thurs:The day starts at 10:30 with English 201,Intro. To Sociology, physical and Sensory Disabilities, Then on Thursday only I continue with: Foundations of Education, and Art Appreciation, to get out at 9:30. It will be a VERY long day. Hopefully I will figure out a way to eat between classes.

I just need to work up the nerve to call my uncle now and ask him to borrow some money. Sigh, that's going to be the hardest part of my day, I have been putting it off for too long, and I really need to borrow it now. I am pretty sure he'll lend it too me, but I hate to ask. I wish I could ask my mom, but I know she just lent money to someone, and I've already borrowed from her twice. Paid it back, but I hate asking again. So I guess I had better get on the phone to my uncle before it gets too late to call. Shit, I hate my life! I finally get up my nerve to call, and he's skiing in Utah till the 11th. And of course Ade was there house sitting, so it comes out, and she offers me the money. I hate that it may come to the fact that I have to borrow the money from her. But I know that I am going to have to.

Good morning. Oh God I hope the day gets better! It is not starting out well. Head killing me, not nearly enough sleep, Liz didn't get up with her alarm, and kids already starting fighting! Well I guess it can only get better. Crap, gotta cut this short and get the hubby out of bed so I can get to my appointment on time. Guess I will have to continue later.

Good Morning! It's been awhile. Sorry.

Anyway, here I am, already 4 days into the new year and haven't written yet. Kids go back to school on the 6th, and my first day is the 8th. i am worried about school starting up again. I know I can do it, but after what my practicum teacher said, I worry, am I doing the right thing? Should I be bothering? Is this right for me? Ok, have to get away from negative thoughts here!!!!!

We all made out pretty well for Christmas. Kids got lots, my family went overboard again, but I can't argue with that when it's for me and my kids. I went a little overboard too, but it wasn't too bad.

On New Years Eve Tom had to work and got home with only 20 minutes to spare. But of course James had been fussing since 10:30 and Thomas had just fallen asleep...because he had taken a REALLY long nap! Don't know what James' problem was, but Tom got him to sleep with 2 minutes to spare. And of course Sher called :D And we rung in the new year together! Then proceeded to watch South Park and the South Park movie until 3am. Watching TV together on the phone, sigh, it's one way to be together:(. Soon, I know, but it doesn't make it easier. Ok, I'm supposed to be getting happpier here, not more depressed.

Had a pretty cool monkey chat session the other night. Everyone was naked and on cam. Ok, not everyone, one didn't have a cam, but they were naked. Tom and I were on together, and he even got naked. We had fun. Diva was horny, me too, we were all drinking, except Luvluv (she wasn't naked either-party pooper) It led to some pretty good sex afterward too. >:) That's always good.

We went to the mall yesterday and picked up my Christmas present ring, it was back from being sized. It looks beautiful on my hand. Here is a picture of it :
<"MY RING :D"> This link worked for me, I hope it works for you too. We had a really nice time, even if the kids were with us. We went to EB and bought some games for the Playstation2 (Kingdom Heart) and the Gamecube (Muppet Party Cruise). We played the Muppet game until 2:30, it was really fun! Kinda challenging too. We played until Tom finally won a game, lol. I think we played 4 or 5 games total. It was really fun, I can't wait to play with Tony and Sherrie.

Speaking of T & S, they need to know: We turned on the Gamecube last night and MarioParty 5 was in it. We don't know which kid did it, we haven't looked at it, not even the book, but someone opened it and put it in. Probably one of the girls, Liz denies it, will have to ask De. So it is opened, but neither Tom nor I have even looked at it. Swear. We took it out and put it back in the package, NO ONE WILL PLAY UNTIL WE CAN PLAY TOGETHER!

The house is still a mess, but getting better. The boys room is almost back together. The bunkbeds look really good, but we still need to fix the ladder, they gave us the wrong one for this bed, so we are going to put hooks on it to make it work. Here is a picture: <"BOYS BEDS"> The only differences are: the ladder and there are no casters on ours. It's a birch bed and now that James has gotten used to it, the boys are doing great! Again, this link worked for me, let me know if it doesn't for you.

Tom and I have been sleeping way too late while I've been on vacation from school. It's gonna be really hard to get back in the swing of things when I go back. I think one or the other, or sometimes both has been up before noon yet. Yesterday he let me sleep yet, today I'm letting him sleep late. When De was here and got up and played with the boys, we both slept late. The problem is the boys are getting up at 8:30, 9 and we aren't gettig out of bed until 10, or later, and the other one sleeps while the one who got up cleans up the mess they have made. Ah the price of a decent nights sleep.

And one more link for Diva, who couldn't see my hair color in the cam the other night, because my cam colors aren't quite right: True Red. So there it is for ya diva, you like?