Hell. Today started out good. English was canceled so I got to come home early, I got a lot of cleaning and laundry done. Made the deposit, went to the store, paid the electric bill. I was feeling pretty good about getting so much accomplished. Then Tom went to work. DeAnne is home until Tuesday. She started out great, all helpful and nice and being a great kid. Then I don’t know what happened to her. I asked her to put away her laundry that has been sitting on her dresser for several weeks, hissy fit. I told her to make her bed, because I made it yesterday and she was roughhousing on it and pulled the blankets off, hissy fit.

I let all the girls have ½ hour of computer time each and Thomas 15 minutes, then watch TV, while I washed dishes and folded laundry. I then asked the girls to help me. Liz to empty the dishwasher, among other things, and De to crush cans (because she said earlier she would). Hissy fit. When she went outside and saw that some of the cans in the recycling box were not crushed she yelled at me, “Mom, why did you out uncrushed cans in here, you know they’re not supposed to be in here, are you trying to make it harder for me?,” etc., etc. To which I went outside and informed her I didn’t do it and not to speak to me like that.
I wanted to slap her face so badly, but restrained myself, instead I just pulled the uncrushed cans out of the box. She stopped before she was done to play with Thomas and James, then complained about it. I didn’t tell her to watch them or play with them, I asked her to crush the cans, which she never finished. Hissy fit.

She kept throwing in my face how she hates me, she hates living here, she wants to go back to Grandmas house, no one loves her, we always yell at her, etc. I told her, to think about maybe the way she gets treated is because of the way she treats us. She is always yelling at all of us, screaming and having fits.

I asked her to set the table for dinner, while Liz made the side dishes and I grilled the meat, hissy fit. Hell Liz even helped her with that one. I called them for dinner, the boys were playing in the backyard and I called them as I brought in the porkchops. De came out and James came up the stairs, Thomas wasn’t coming, so while she was standing there, porkchops in hand, I yelled to Thomas, “Dinner is ready, come inside.” I turned, and went in. Put dinner on the table, no De and Thomas. I look out the window, De is hanging on the rope and Thomas is climbing the ladder. I was sooo angry! I went outside and told them to get inside, gave them a swat as they came up the stairs. Thomas took his, not a problem, because he knew he deserved it. De tried to tell me she didn’t know it was time for dinner! I was incredulous. I should have given her 2 swats, one for disobeying and one for lying. Of course, you guessed it, hissy fit.

She is pushing my limits and wasn’t even here for a full day. Had a hissy at dinner, I forget what about now, cutting her meat I think. And another over a TV show…still at the dinner table. I just don’t understand why she is so good and well behaved at my mothers and not at home. What am I doing wrong? She makes me feel like such a bad parent. I feel so inadequate with her. I feel like I know nothing. All the other kids are such good, well mannered, well behaved, sweet, caring, loving,. Non-hissy fit throwing children…with the exception of an occasional from Thomas, but that is to be expected from an over tired or hungry 4 year old, not a ten-year-old. The real problem is, it really makes me not want her here. On one hand I want her home, on the other, I never want her to come home. James started the saying “Idiot” again, I thought we finally got that stopped. And Thomas starting hitting James more again, hitting for no apparent reason. The only thing I can attribute it to is De being home, because it didn’t start until after she had the 2 of them alone for awhile, and was yelling and screaming at them. I like the peace that falls over my house when she is not here. I like the quiet and the calm. I like the non-violence. I like the peace, the tranquillity. I don’t know what to do.